billybeer

Life's been bringin me down lately. (but what else is new right?) Besides getting sick three weeks ago and still not getting better (they think I might have Tuberculosis now) I dont really hasve anyone around to keep me company. I feel like all my old friends dont have anything to do with me anymore, I cant go out anywhere (like to shows or meetings) becasue I'm sick, and I'm broke as a mother fucking joke cause I've been outta work too. Hopefully ill get my disabillity from this shit, cause im already in debt over a grand and i dont know how much more i can borrow. I finally (again) jsut get myself off the streets and get a job and start living a normal fucking life again, and the rug gets plled out from under me and I'm fucked . EVERY FUCKING TIME. Over and over again. And i dont know how much more of this I can take. I've been clean for about 3 years, but this is ognna push me inot a relapse if something dosent happen fucking soon.

Why am I hiding from myself?
I cant find comfort in anything else
An escape from this shitty reality?
Or a means to get away from me?
I used to hope and fantasize,
Now I'm just anestetized.
There was a flame once burning inside
Reduced to ash along the line.
A better life, I wanted more,
But this fucking life I now Abhor
There a strange comfort in the sadness I feel,
A living purgatory, I dont seem real
THE TRAINS DERAILED A MILLION TIMES
AND IVE GOT THE TRACKS TO PROVE IT.