billybeer

a few poems. These were written while I was strung out, near the end.

Black Banks on the River of Regret

Like a pen that's just run out of ink,
Gives you time to sit and think
About the life, so cold and bleak
With feelings just out of hearts reach
An untold story with naught to tell
About a dark cold hole deep as a well
Of water quite unfit to drink
Poisoned with despair, link after link
The chain grows shorter about your neck
With every passing second yet
Nails driven deep, the blood pours out
Crucified without a doubt to the
Cross you've borne for those long years
On the banks of the River of Tears
You've cried yourself so many nights to sleep
In the hole you dug yourself too deep
No more feelings, only dust
Not one single word to trust
Veins cry with not blood but pain
The sun wont ever shine again.

Daily Sacrament

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
Daily sacrifice a must
River runs,
Tide grows quicker,
Misty fog grows ever thicker
Wading out,
One step further,
One foot closer to self murder
Tide speeds,
Out of control,
Sucks you down under the tow
Veins bleeding,
Uphill battle,
Like turning back without a paddle
Floating, slowly,
All hope lost
World, dead and cold, like winter frost
Boat washed up.
On a shore,
Of needles, your feet they've torn
Looking far,
Desperate and bleeding,
Mind locked on one thing never ceasing
Oblivious, blind
Deaf, mute,
To everything around you
Climbing higher,
Certain harm,
For that warm embrace of her cold dead, arms
Fall asleep,
In a half dream,
Alive you feel, or at least seem
But you wake up,
Locked to a chain,
To start your journey all over again...


Skeletal Emotions

Pain digging deeper
Crawling, writhing, weaker
Leaving me alone again
Sick, no fucking time to mend
The holes in my heart, my arms, my head
Bells ringing in my ears instead
Constant, no escape, no door
To crawl through, no way out no more
Glass half empty, not half full
Something deep inside will pull
The darkness to the light again
Sadness be my only friend
Losing battle, all uphill
Monstrous, gaping cavities to fill
Where and when will all this end
I ask myself again and again
Drowning in a pool of putrid, thick, black water
Fuck the devil's son, this is the work of his daughter
Lungs gasping for air fill with frustrated misery
No clean air to breathe in this unending living purgatory
Mind is clouding up to a point I just could not have seen
What could have, should have, would have, though I know couldn't have ever been
Skeletons in closets come out creeping to their doors
Smashing, cracking, breaking the locks unto the floor
Now flooded with decaying corpses feeding off my brain
Their shrieks and horrid screams inside my head drive me insane
But out they come, one by one to battle endlessly
Noone knows what's going on inside my head, noone can see
A war inside my head, outnumbered millions to my one
No weapon will assist me, not an arrow, sword, or gun
Closet doors now broken down, empty, dark, and putrid
Mass-graves of repressed memory, loss, hate love, float about my head
The fight is omnipresent, a ceaseless, brutal war
Once you overcome one another comes out full force
The pain, never ending, takes a rough toll on your head
You wake up every day after going to bed wishing you were dead,
THE RIGHT HOLE IN YER HEAD