The Diminutive Similarities of The Slow Loss of a Father and a Gunshot Wound in the Chest:
I did feel at first, when I heard about it. Its been over a year and a half since then. And I've since become a specter- roaming halls in search of reason and understanding.
I am an empty body that enters the hospital through sliding doors and up an elevator. I am an empty voice when I talk to a nurse. I am an empty stare as I make eye contact with my father who is resting. I am a zombie as I change his dressings and check his blood pressure, oxygen and the amount of Cyclosporine he would be receiving today. It used to be Kimo, and then it was that transplant baggie of stem cells that reeked of clams or other shellfish.
I didnt even feel anything then. I think that day I was supposed to be happy. That was one of those transitional periods I missed.
Im sure I could describe it as getting shot in the chest by something, that desperate gasping for breath before your body compensates and goes numb... I read a story about it:
She shivered. But right now, she couldn't feel the cold. All she could feel was that dark, heavy, lead weight just hanging there on her chest, right beneath her ribcage. She had lost track of how long that weight had been there, just hanging there, making her feel so bad. Sometimes not even feeling...it's like, when you get burnt --> at first it hurts like hell...but if it's bad enough it'll burn away the nerve endings in your skin and you wont be able to feel at all.
I cant feel at all right now.
I shoved another needle through my ear this morning- the right one. I havent done that since I was about 18. It bled a lot. It bled like I saw my fathers blood. Lacerations, stomach ulcers, skin lesions and intestinal tears. Thats how it bled. It was a cheap connection.
I did feel at first, when I heard about it. Its been over a year and a half since then. And I've since become a specter- roaming halls in search of reason and understanding.
I am an empty body that enters the hospital through sliding doors and up an elevator. I am an empty voice when I talk to a nurse. I am an empty stare as I make eye contact with my father who is resting. I am a zombie as I change his dressings and check his blood pressure, oxygen and the amount of Cyclosporine he would be receiving today. It used to be Kimo, and then it was that transplant baggie of stem cells that reeked of clams or other shellfish.
I didnt even feel anything then. I think that day I was supposed to be happy. That was one of those transitional periods I missed.
Im sure I could describe it as getting shot in the chest by something, that desperate gasping for breath before your body compensates and goes numb... I read a story about it:
She shivered. But right now, she couldn't feel the cold. All she could feel was that dark, heavy, lead weight just hanging there on her chest, right beneath her ribcage. She had lost track of how long that weight had been there, just hanging there, making her feel so bad. Sometimes not even feeling...it's like, when you get burnt --> at first it hurts like hell...but if it's bad enough it'll burn away the nerve endings in your skin and you wont be able to feel at all.
I cant feel at all right now.
I shoved another needle through my ear this morning- the right one. I havent done that since I was about 18. It bled a lot. It bled like I saw my fathers blood. Lacerations, stomach ulcers, skin lesions and intestinal tears. Thats how it bled. It was a cheap connection.
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rough.
nothing more paralyzing.
i'll definitely look into cube 2.