bigpappachappa

If i died, who would realy care? My mom has told me she doesnt want to talk to me because I got her a dvd player for christmass, and she dosent have any. She realy dosent care, obvously. I havent herd from either brother in over a month. And all my friends have been either hurt by me or feel like I am a burden. I am sure they would all cry and all, but in the back of everyones mind must be "god at least I dont have to deal with him any more" I am loud and obnoxous. I hate MYSELF, so I dont even see why anyone else would not. I know kathleen loves me but I always feel like she is tapping her foot to go somewhere else away from me. "Im so lonesome I could cry...". I should stop lisening to johny cash...
I fell like more of a pain in the ass then I am worth. All my friends here at school seem to be iterested in one of the two girls I usualy hang out with. I just kinda come with them like some unwanted accesory. I honestly fell that my life is nothing but a burden to all those around me. To keep up like this is a very selfish way to live. And for someone who puts the feelings of others above my own, this presents a difficulty in justify continued existance. I know i am lucky and hundreds of people would kill to be where I am. The way I see it is if I am out of the way, then more room for the more deserving.
Too bad I am too much of a selfish wuss to actualy do anythig about it. All I will ever do is pray for an accedent. One can only hope, maybe Ill be off everyones back soon enough...