bigman316

i have alot going thru my mind this morning.......maybe too much to even write here. maybe i should try to sort some of the jumbled thoughts and come back later.... we found out at work last night that someone we used to work with suddenly passed away from illness. traci was a joy to work with in security, everyone liked her, now she is just...gone. she left our department a couple of years ago due to chronic back problem, she transferred to an office job in another department at the hospital. her mom works in human resources. she was like, my age. (if you don't know my age, ask me later) so here i am this morning questioning my own immortality...or lack thereof...and i for some reason find myself thinking about the times when i wanted to leave this world, and couldn't do it, and i am convinced that is only because i am supposed to continue to live a miserable life. there are some days that are not miserable, i rely on little things, ice cream from the cafeteria for lunch, dunkin donuts coffee, emails from friends, remembering to tape my favorite shows. i sad today, because someone who deserved to be here on earth for a long time, is gone. then there is me, who, some days....well i just feel like i don't have anything to offer. right now i am tired, i am crabby, i am depressed, i am in my thoughtful zone. maybe on days like this i shouldn't think......anyway, maybe i can write some happy stuff later, but this is how i feel right now. thanks for stopping by. peace, d.