I've been known to drop some serious blunt statements in my writing. But I've also been known to apologize for making statements that suck. This is one of them. Chattanooga HAS a scene and it's alive and well. Going to a show last night that rocked like the shows I used to go to back in New Haven made me feel like I was alive again. I really don't have anything to say beyond this right now as I'm way too fucked up to even think right now. I want to go back to bed and die as I'm so sore but I gotta go to work in an hour.
So this will have to suffice. For now. Some notes:
01. Drunk girls moshing topless at shows are simultaneously awesome and horrible. I hate defensive moshing and realizing that the topless body I was nudging, groping and manhandling aside so I could pay attention to the music was a girl who was both drunk and pierced. I so wish I had twisted her nipples and made her suck my cock for interrupting my flow. I love girl moshers, not TOPLESS girl moshers. Dammit, I have enough issues trying to talk to girls at shows; I don't need a drunk girl moshing at a show topless. Enough distractions.
02. On that note, this girl was cute and interesting but in that "I'm young, a scenester and a drunk" sort of a way. She's on myspace and she wrote me back. I wouldn't mind having pointless sex with her to get my nuts off and that's not like me. Ya'll know this. I'm usually Mr. Morals here but something about her makes me want to blow her mind with my tounge then tell her I just want to be fuck buddies. Look Ma, I've become heartless! *snorts* Tits are cool, drunks attached to them suck.
03. Also on that note, she didn't take it personally that she was fondled by me. She actually absolved me of guilt at the second party we were at. That felt good. Now to convince her that she won't lose scene points if we went out and got drunk and chilled and made out like drunk pointless children.
04. I had to walk and take the bus home from the second house show. I so hated that as I was half tipsy, cold, and hungry. Waiting for a bus in the ice cold early morning sucks balls. I think it's testament to my dedication to the scene that I did that. Both hosts of the parties I was at appreciated that a north ender like me would take the time and the effort to come out when they knew my distance could be used as an excuse.
05. Met another girl at the show. She was cool. English and mad interesting to talk to. We exchanged e-mails and contact info and I will write her in the morning. She leaves for England tomorrow. I hate meeting girls I'd like to snuggle with and then having them leave entirely. I hate that. But we sat out on the steps and I flirted with her. She seemed to enjoy that. I liked talking to her. She was mad easy to drop knowledge on. She also works third shift which was good. Someone else who understands the special needs of the third shift worker.
06. My flatmate is probably going to divorce his wife this weekend. Suck. That means more changes will be happening. Either she's going to get a job and support this place personally or I'm going to have to be leaving again. So this might be the last week of innocence for me here. I hate that their marriage breaking up is going to fuck me up the ass. It might sound fucked up but I'm praying that they don't break up. Or if they do to at least wait till I'm mobile enough to take care of business.
07. Further more, I hate being told that I take advantage of people's generousity when I ask for rides. That bothers me a lot. I want to tell Amber that I'm tired of her fat ass not working and putting the impetus on working and money on mine and Walter's shoulders. She's not sucking my dick or fucking me or giving me emotional support, or her husband for that matter! So she has no right saying what she's saying. But I'm using her words as a way to get me motivated to finally go to D-School and spend the money I don't have to do it.
08. LaShawn and I talked. I think she likes me and I know she knows I like her. But I also know she's mad issue laden right now. As she does know about my issues. We broke bread tonight and settled some things. I was just glad to hear from her. To see her words on the screen made me happy. She's such a wonderful person that I want her to be happy, whether with me or elsewhere, and she knows this. She wants the same for me and she understands my need to stay close to her. Understanding happened tonight. And that's all I could have hoped for. Now for some action to happen...
09. I don't want to go to work tonight. I want to sleep and be warm. But 6 am is only so far away. Work is long, sleep is better.
10. Here's to hoping I can start driving school this week. Here's to hoping I'll still be able to go to the party on the 5th of Feburary.
Now I'm off to relax a little before showertime and work. More tomorrow, mabye. Most likely a new entry on Monday night or so. Later all.
Edit - 8:19 AM, Sunday Morning: More notes as I have to go and work a split shift today (6PM - 2AM), I;m not tired enough yet and I just saw cute girl. Grrr.
11. AmyDoll posted a set in PSW that absolutely pissed me off. Not because it wasn't beautiful, which it was, but because there was no way in hell I'd get to wake up to that beauty. She's married and she's fucking gorgeous. After a long night of being coochie strung at work and having to wait to go home for an hour plus, to see that gorgeous set, get all horny and then see that she's taken just put me into a foul mood. I'm tired of seeing so much taken goodness. Tired, tired, tired....
12. More on being coochie strung: We had drunk women come in with their semi-sober mates at the shop. The kind of day working, hard drinking quasi-rednecks that make me simultaneously retch and grab myself. I wanted to flick quaters down the women's shirts out of spite but then consigned myself to thinking about being coochie strung. My cook and I talked about this and we agreed that seeing all the cute women walking about without a care in the world and no chance at all of getting something like that for ourselves breeds anger and frustration. I know now that a lot of my issues with life stem from being alone. I want to not be alone, therefore I am pissed when I am. Thus breeds me wanting to gouge out my eyes when pretty girls walk by. I hate feeling like that.
13. My flatmates didn't give me a ride home this morning. A customer at my shop had pity on me and decided to take me home. I thanked him and went inside. I'm so angry at Amber for saying she wouldn't come pick me up and I hope to fuck they have a good reason why they couldn't pick me up. Something tells me I'll be walking the 3 - 5 miles to work tonight and if that is the case I'm going to be pissed.
14. So horny....so fucking horny am I....
End of comments. Next entry I'll try to be more positive. But I make no guarantees.
So this will have to suffice. For now. Some notes:
01. Drunk girls moshing topless at shows are simultaneously awesome and horrible. I hate defensive moshing and realizing that the topless body I was nudging, groping and manhandling aside so I could pay attention to the music was a girl who was both drunk and pierced. I so wish I had twisted her nipples and made her suck my cock for interrupting my flow. I love girl moshers, not TOPLESS girl moshers. Dammit, I have enough issues trying to talk to girls at shows; I don't need a drunk girl moshing at a show topless. Enough distractions.
02. On that note, this girl was cute and interesting but in that "I'm young, a scenester and a drunk" sort of a way. She's on myspace and she wrote me back. I wouldn't mind having pointless sex with her to get my nuts off and that's not like me. Ya'll know this. I'm usually Mr. Morals here but something about her makes me want to blow her mind with my tounge then tell her I just want to be fuck buddies. Look Ma, I've become heartless! *snorts* Tits are cool, drunks attached to them suck.
03. Also on that note, she didn't take it personally that she was fondled by me. She actually absolved me of guilt at the second party we were at. That felt good. Now to convince her that she won't lose scene points if we went out and got drunk and chilled and made out like drunk pointless children.
04. I had to walk and take the bus home from the second house show. I so hated that as I was half tipsy, cold, and hungry. Waiting for a bus in the ice cold early morning sucks balls. I think it's testament to my dedication to the scene that I did that. Both hosts of the parties I was at appreciated that a north ender like me would take the time and the effort to come out when they knew my distance could be used as an excuse.
05. Met another girl at the show. She was cool. English and mad interesting to talk to. We exchanged e-mails and contact info and I will write her in the morning. She leaves for England tomorrow. I hate meeting girls I'd like to snuggle with and then having them leave entirely. I hate that. But we sat out on the steps and I flirted with her. She seemed to enjoy that. I liked talking to her. She was mad easy to drop knowledge on. She also works third shift which was good. Someone else who understands the special needs of the third shift worker.
06. My flatmate is probably going to divorce his wife this weekend. Suck. That means more changes will be happening. Either she's going to get a job and support this place personally or I'm going to have to be leaving again. So this might be the last week of innocence for me here. I hate that their marriage breaking up is going to fuck me up the ass. It might sound fucked up but I'm praying that they don't break up. Or if they do to at least wait till I'm mobile enough to take care of business.
07. Further more, I hate being told that I take advantage of people's generousity when I ask for rides. That bothers me a lot. I want to tell Amber that I'm tired of her fat ass not working and putting the impetus on working and money on mine and Walter's shoulders. She's not sucking my dick or fucking me or giving me emotional support, or her husband for that matter! So she has no right saying what she's saying. But I'm using her words as a way to get me motivated to finally go to D-School and spend the money I don't have to do it.
08. LaShawn and I talked. I think she likes me and I know she knows I like her. But I also know she's mad issue laden right now. As she does know about my issues. We broke bread tonight and settled some things. I was just glad to hear from her. To see her words on the screen made me happy. She's such a wonderful person that I want her to be happy, whether with me or elsewhere, and she knows this. She wants the same for me and she understands my need to stay close to her. Understanding happened tonight. And that's all I could have hoped for. Now for some action to happen...
09. I don't want to go to work tonight. I want to sleep and be warm. But 6 am is only so far away. Work is long, sleep is better.
10. Here's to hoping I can start driving school this week. Here's to hoping I'll still be able to go to the party on the 5th of Feburary.
Now I'm off to relax a little before showertime and work. More tomorrow, mabye. Most likely a new entry on Monday night or so. Later all.
Edit - 8:19 AM, Sunday Morning: More notes as I have to go and work a split shift today (6PM - 2AM), I;m not tired enough yet and I just saw cute girl. Grrr.
11. AmyDoll posted a set in PSW that absolutely pissed me off. Not because it wasn't beautiful, which it was, but because there was no way in hell I'd get to wake up to that beauty. She's married and she's fucking gorgeous. After a long night of being coochie strung at work and having to wait to go home for an hour plus, to see that gorgeous set, get all horny and then see that she's taken just put me into a foul mood. I'm tired of seeing so much taken goodness. Tired, tired, tired....
12. More on being coochie strung: We had drunk women come in with their semi-sober mates at the shop. The kind of day working, hard drinking quasi-rednecks that make me simultaneously retch and grab myself. I wanted to flick quaters down the women's shirts out of spite but then consigned myself to thinking about being coochie strung. My cook and I talked about this and we agreed that seeing all the cute women walking about without a care in the world and no chance at all of getting something like that for ourselves breeds anger and frustration. I know now that a lot of my issues with life stem from being alone. I want to not be alone, therefore I am pissed when I am. Thus breeds me wanting to gouge out my eyes when pretty girls walk by. I hate feeling like that.
13. My flatmates didn't give me a ride home this morning. A customer at my shop had pity on me and decided to take me home. I thanked him and went inside. I'm so angry at Amber for saying she wouldn't come pick me up and I hope to fuck they have a good reason why they couldn't pick me up. Something tells me I'll be walking the 3 - 5 miles to work tonight and if that is the case I'm going to be pissed.
14. So horny....so fucking horny am I....
End of comments. Next entry I'll try to be more positive. But I make no guarantees.
[Edited on Jan 18, 2005 10:32AM]