bigblack81

It's the afternoon of the 2nd and it's time for another session on the pissy pot. Yay. I get so tired sometimes of writing these entries and not being able to do much about them. Oh well. Hopefully I'lll be getting a fat paycheck this week so I can start my driving lessons. I so need to get driving. I so need to start showing up at random SG's doors and start breaking down some walls with a sledgehammer. Metaphoric sledgehammer, of course.

I think the one thing people don't get about me when they talk to me on AIM or YM from here on SG is that I'm not playing games here. I want to have fun and I want to meet people not get into an isolationist piss party. This is the time of my life when I need to be out more and shit and I'd like to be out more with people from this site. People from this site a lot of times feel more like the folk I used to hang with back home but I hate a lot of the self pity and laziness I see in meeting people overall in the world. Some will bash me for taking such a hard line about this but I don't care. I've always been told to keep moving and keep growing and keep expanding. So now that I'm old enough to meet decent people, I want to. I want to live. So if that offends people, piss off!

Now. Onto business.

- Life with Amber -

My flatmate is doing the pussy route to break up with Amber, my other flatmate and his wife. He's staying at his parents until she just breaks up with him. This is bad since I want to lay Amber and occupy her till she finds someone better OR I want them to stay together and me to not have to deal with friends fucking over friends. Literally. This is bad on a lot of levels.

Amber and I have been alone in this house for the better part of a week now and I'm horny as hell. She probably knows this. At least I hope she doesn't. But if she does, something has to happen soon. I'm tired of walking around with a need for physical contact. I've wanted so many times to cuddle with her on the couch and gently fondle each other whilst we watched some dumb movie, just to dull me down a bit.

But life goes on. I can't even pleasure myself anymore I'm so strung out about this shit. Something's got to give soon.

- Work -

I work with Amy tonight. It should be interesting. I have Tim on the grill with me so if nothing else I have a friend who'll give me a ride home and someone who won't drive me too nuts. Amy is so freakishly off kilter the last few weeks that it makes it tough for me to predict from night to night what kind of night I'll have with her. This is a problem. A big one.

Last night I worked hopefully my last shift with Chrissy. She's cute, single, a good worker and moving to Alabama very soon. I wanted her so badly that I wrote part of a fantasy about her in my notebook for my boredom. i might finish it tonight at work and post it soon in the Erotica group. Who the hell knows? i just know that I'm tired of not getting laid and shit and seeing cute girls at work is a bit of a fucktard. But chrissy is a bit odd and Amy is an independent skank, the bad kind, so I've stopped worrying so much. I pine...but so does everyone else.

Tomorrow I might go to Radio Shack before work and get a splitter for my cable connection so I can have a TV in my room. I think part of my stir craziness is that I don't get to watch C-SPAN as much as I'd like to. I love C-SPAN. And Food Network. And Cartoon Network. I like television that won't piss me off or if it does, it will piss me off the right way. It takes the edge off of work. All this holiday crap must stop and thankfully it will stop tonight and tomorrow when people go back to work. Then I can come home in the early morning, watch some British House of Commons and then some Cold Pizza whilst I clean the kitchen.

Life, though horrible and mundane it can be, isn't that bad. For now.

- End Notes -

1. Had a long talk with T&W last night. I'm glad we did. She gave me lots of good things to think about. She also wrote a damned fine entry which echoed a lot of the things I was feeling inside. Her resolutions, that is. I was glad she appreciated that I understood her words. I want her to know that I do crush on her for all the right reasons, not the wrong ones. But even if that isn't the case, I'd like her to know that I know what she is going through. I'm just glad she knows some of what I go through as a line cook/lack of lifer.

2. My shoulder hurts again. I might have Amber pop it out for me.

3. I miss Walter a lot. He's annoying and a bit of a naif, but he's my friend and I miss him. Amber and he need to stop this shit and get back together.

4. On that note, I worry that if they do break up, we won't have enough money to float this house right now. Walter wants me to move to Nashville but I won't do it till I can drive and have a place on my own. And besides, I'm not sure Nashville is the spot for me to settle in again. I really don't want to move again as I finally am beginning to feel like this could be a place to rest for a while. Amber will HAVE to get a job if this happens as she has to do her share for the bills. It's just that simple. I just hope she CAN.

5. I really sucks knowing that you know your friend is purposely staying away so he can divorce his wife and you cannot say a word to try and moderate the situation. It sucks worse when you want to fuck the wife and let the dude go or vice versa. *shrugs*

6. Need to get over this writer's block on my fanfiction. If no one will write about my favorite characters in my fave fandoms then I need to. I just also need to let a lot of this shit go about being too deep in my work. Immersion writing has it's pitfalls.

On that, I go bye bye for now. I'll write something soon about complacency and not wanting to step outside the box to meet people and live but for now I'm done. Later.