So ive been spending this morning reading about wicca, and admiring Cherry cus shes such a great photagrapher.
Sometimes I wish i put more energy into photography but like... Yeah.. Idunno, i just think i do have a talent.
Shes SO talented that girl tho. I really admire her work.
Ive had a marathontalk with my man, and like, yeah, it was lovely, it went on for four days, and yesterday when we were in the bathroom smoking a joint, cus like, if we dont do it in the bathroom the staff will come in and tell us the whole first floor STINKS of hash and well, yeah so we smoke hash in the bathroom when its befor 9pm
He told me he belives im growing up.
And it made me thinking.... It made me thinking ALOT actually. Cus other times, when people told me im growing up, or i need to grow up or anything with entering the adult world, i almost pissed my pants of fear.
But now im like. "Yeah, so fucking what?" Im looking foward to growing up, Im looking foward to trying my wings for real, i might crash, but then its just to try again, and he also said that, that thats something i do, i ALWAYS "get back on the horse" as soon as i can. I never had anyone who pointed out my good qualities, always just "erh, youre so sad" "Youve been pretty down lately" and shit like that, i never had anyone who TRULY belived in ME:
They always belived in their own streinght that they would be my SAVIOUR, so i asked Tobias "Do you want to save me?" he answerd that that was not his intentions with this realtionship at all, and it just made me so happy to hear.
Im so glad his mine, im so glad im his.
I can feel im growing for each day that goes by. I belive more and more in my own powers and my own streinght, and i KNOW that i will be good, I will be good for him, and he IS good for me.
And in a coupple of weeks, maybe i have gatherd some energy to like, explore this town, id love to just walk around looking at the pretty buildings, cus copenhagen does have pretty buildings and they draw on the buildings and i just love it so much i cant get enough. Maybe find a favourite cafe,
I dont even feel like drinking anymore. So like, i WAS thinking the thought of finding a favorite bar, but then i thought, "WTF am I gonna do at a bar?" I mean... I just lose ctrl and go insane and madness takes over... its just not that cool anymore.
I mean... No. I pity myself for what i used to be like, for the amount of alcohol i used to drink, for the concious uncounciosness?? Like, i could walk,talk keep drinking, but i was really gone. I had lost grip of reality long time ago, i was somewhere else.
So, yeah i just think drinking is such a pathethic thing to do with your self, its really just punnishing your body, atleast if you do it the way im used to, and thats pretty much the way everyone i know drinks, i dont know anyone who drinks smart. So how was i supposed to learn how to?
I keept telling myself that it was just a matter of practicing and id get it. Id understand how youd know when u reached your limit. But im so fucking fed up with it i cant stand the thought of even smelling a bottle of booze.
And im so glad i came to this conclusion, cus it really REALLY used to be a real problem for me. And with all the alcoholics ive got in my family i... when i was 14 i had never been near a bottle. I promised myself i wouldnt even taste the champange on my own wedding cus i knew what alchol did to people. My own granma fucking threw my into one of those things that heats up the rooms and usually in sweden are really sharp and hard and said Ishould never bother her like her like that again cus i asked if she wanted to go to the beach with me. And like yeah.
Something went wrong. I started drinking. And allready at early age id lose grip of reality cus i was holding on to the bottles instead.
Thats actually how i began to be so honest people understood there was something deeper going on than just teenagedepression.
So. YAY for a sober new year!
(Ill stick to the drugs LOL)
Sometimes I wish i put more energy into photography but like... Yeah.. Idunno, i just think i do have a talent.
Shes SO talented that girl tho. I really admire her work.
Ive had a marathontalk with my man, and like, yeah, it was lovely, it went on for four days, and yesterday when we were in the bathroom smoking a joint, cus like, if we dont do it in the bathroom the staff will come in and tell us the whole first floor STINKS of hash and well, yeah so we smoke hash in the bathroom when its befor 9pm
He told me he belives im growing up.
And it made me thinking.... It made me thinking ALOT actually. Cus other times, when people told me im growing up, or i need to grow up or anything with entering the adult world, i almost pissed my pants of fear.
But now im like. "Yeah, so fucking what?" Im looking foward to growing up, Im looking foward to trying my wings for real, i might crash, but then its just to try again, and he also said that, that thats something i do, i ALWAYS "get back on the horse" as soon as i can. I never had anyone who pointed out my good qualities, always just "erh, youre so sad" "Youve been pretty down lately" and shit like that, i never had anyone who TRULY belived in ME:
They always belived in their own streinght that they would be my SAVIOUR, so i asked Tobias "Do you want to save me?" he answerd that that was not his intentions with this realtionship at all, and it just made me so happy to hear.
Im so glad his mine, im so glad im his.
I can feel im growing for each day that goes by. I belive more and more in my own powers and my own streinght, and i KNOW that i will be good, I will be good for him, and he IS good for me.
And in a coupple of weeks, maybe i have gatherd some energy to like, explore this town, id love to just walk around looking at the pretty buildings, cus copenhagen does have pretty buildings and they draw on the buildings and i just love it so much i cant get enough. Maybe find a favourite cafe,
I dont even feel like drinking anymore. So like, i WAS thinking the thought of finding a favorite bar, but then i thought, "WTF am I gonna do at a bar?" I mean... I just lose ctrl and go insane and madness takes over... its just not that cool anymore.
I mean... No. I pity myself for what i used to be like, for the amount of alcohol i used to drink, for the concious uncounciosness?? Like, i could walk,talk keep drinking, but i was really gone. I had lost grip of reality long time ago, i was somewhere else.
So, yeah i just think drinking is such a pathethic thing to do with your self, its really just punnishing your body, atleast if you do it the way im used to, and thats pretty much the way everyone i know drinks, i dont know anyone who drinks smart. So how was i supposed to learn how to?
I keept telling myself that it was just a matter of practicing and id get it. Id understand how youd know when u reached your limit. But im so fucking fed up with it i cant stand the thought of even smelling a bottle of booze.
And im so glad i came to this conclusion, cus it really REALLY used to be a real problem for me. And with all the alcoholics ive got in my family i... when i was 14 i had never been near a bottle. I promised myself i wouldnt even taste the champange on my own wedding cus i knew what alchol did to people. My own granma fucking threw my into one of those things that heats up the rooms and usually in sweden are really sharp and hard and said Ishould never bother her like her like that again cus i asked if she wanted to go to the beach with me. And like yeah.
Something went wrong. I started drinking. And allready at early age id lose grip of reality cus i was holding on to the bottles instead.
Thats actually how i began to be so honest people understood there was something deeper going on than just teenagedepression.
So. YAY for a sober new year!
(Ill stick to the drugs LOL)
xoxo