As someone who has spent several holidays away from home and "family" (by family I mean the ones we're born into, not the ones we choose).
I'm not good with traditions.
Perhaps it's cause I'm not religious.
Perhaps it's because I just think we weigh the relevance of that time of year too heavily, maybe I just think every time we spend with the people we love should be *that* relevant, and freaking out over the turkey and the rolls and who sits next to who and who is talking to who and whether or not we should have wine at dinner because aunt so and so is struggling with alcoholism and blah blah blah
Granted I get the stress, I get what it feels lie to be in that position. I just don't find it necessary.
Even remotely.
Ever.
Seriously, why bother if the time and memories we make aren't worth all that stress? If all you want after all of that stress is a drink and to hide and not see those people for another year, why are you putting yourself through it?
Why do we subject ourselves to that kind of bullshit and stress in general?
That being said, I love my family, I'm not saying I don't or that they are a waste of time, and yep we have as many issues as any other family. There's always that cousin or person everyone kind of puts at a distance or that someone wants to shake and ask them what the hell they think they're doing with their lives, don't they know any better??!! But guess what? It's their life
Get over it.
I did.
I spent another thanksgiving away from family. It's nothing new at this point. And I'm okay with it.
I had actually planned on spending the holiday by myself. I figured I'd make a stuffed acorn squash for dinner, have a glass of wine, watch a movie, read a book, work on a painting that I started in july and still haven't finished.
To some that may sound sad, lonely even.
Here's the thing, my life is hectic and busy and filled with time spent on work, derby and things outside of me. So a weekend full of solitude and no obligations kind of feels like heaven to me.
Regardless, I decided to go to issue_'s house for Thanksgiving. And I am so glad I did. It was another nice non-traditional holiday to add to my bank of good memories. I met some great people from here, that reminded me of why I joined and love this website. And was reminded that I need to push myself out of my world of work and derby more often
Nice huh?I guess my point is this (and I am copying what I told the friend who I mentioned earlier, so for those of you who have already read this, sorry, here you go again) we should maybe consider taking the pressure of tradition off of the holidays and just try to spend and enjoy them in a manner that will create a good memory for ourselves. This is one of my favorite "holiday" memories :
Sometimes holidays can be just as or more amazing with the family we choose rather than the one we are given. My given family is amazing, but years ago I spent a Christmas in Spain away from my given family with the family I had created there. I made stocking out of craft paper and wrote everyone's names on them. I put homemade cards offering to take friends to the latest harry potter movie, or out for a cup of coffee, something I knew that took time and would have meaning for each of those people. There were friends there who didn't like Christmas from Holland, because it carried painful memories. I made sushi and miso soup with one of them, I had several others over for a nice nontraditional "Christmas" dinner, and honestly, it was one of the most meaningful and beautiful Christmases I have ever ever had. Hands down. A few years ago I even got a Christmas card from one of those people telling me I had changed the way they viewed Christmas and on some level taught them a new way to look at and love the holiday. I am not religious AT ALL, but I guess my point in telling you all of this is, the holidays don't HAVE to be about the family we were given, they don't have to be about loss or painful memories. They can be what we make them. They can be a family of friends you create for yourself, they can be a group of foreigners from all over the world, choosing a meal and somethin so outside of traditional for them that some of the hurt we carry doesn't feel as real. And sometimes you can create something new and equally or more beautiful than what we are taught to expect out of "the holidays". Choose your holiday and choose your family, and make it something amazing for you. Screw the traditions and stereotypes, joy comes from many many places, create your own You might just be amazed at the memories you manage to create for yourself, and if you're really lucky, the memories and change you are able to create in others.
That's all.
I had a great holiday, and despite the real history versus what we were taught in school. Despite all the stuff people jump up and down about to remind us of how fucked up our cultural history is, I think the holidays are important and should be enjoyed. Seriously every nation with the size and influence of the US has a "sordid" past, and I think acknowledging it is extremely important so that we as a culture don't repeat the horrible mistakes of our past, but traditions and holidays and their meaning change with time. just like languages and cultures do. So why not remember and recognize what happened, but let's get rid of collective guilt cause it is not good for anything, let's redefine what that means, and not shit all over everything in the process. At the same time, let's value our traditions but not hold on so tightly to what they have to be and what the ideals are that we are unable to be flexible with what they can be. Focus on meaning, focus on making great memories, because once everything in life is said and done, those memories are what speak for the kind of life you led.
What are some of your best holiday memories. Traditional or Non? Doesn't matter as long as they make you smile when you think about em 
and maybe they even bring a little tear to your eye with that smile (those are the best ones for me).
I'm glad it was a good one for you. The best things often come from left field.
I found my best "family" dinners to be the ones I spent with the misfit toys we gathered along the way in a variety of foreign territories.
Nowadays, if we just pin down at least one traditional family dinner with relatives we can bow out of the rest claiming to be embracing the traditions we have created on our own and for our own. This diverts the rabid beasts, I mean relatives, and allows us the kind of family time we can enjoy.