eh.
been a bit of a downer lately.. really stressed about money, bills, the house... just wanna get away from it all, but as my bf says, that's not really addressing any of the problems, is it?
woke up last night at 2 in the morning with my roomate and his
obnoxious immature bitch friend tracy screaming and squealing their heads off like a bunch of fucking 10 year olds at a slumber party... at the top of their lungs... 
it's enough during the day, but in the middle of the night? i feel sorry for the neighbours.
anyway, i have about enough money to live off, and i'm being sent all these final notice letters... i'm just fucked. i just have no motivation to go to uni, let alone do the work. i'm just not sure what i'm gonna do about that. i mean, i can imagine myself settling down with it as a career, but the idea of me even getting through 3rd year is ludicrous. i want my third year to be impassioned, applied, focused-- worth the hecs i'm paying for it. perhaps it's an excuse,but i havent had a break from school in 16 years and i'm feeling pissed. or maybe it's just lazyness, or selfishness. if i really wanted to do this course wouldn't i have the drive to apply myself already? and if i deferred for a year, what then? do i honestly think i could work a full time job? cause that's what i'd have to do.
i've been thinking about saving and going on a holiday... just getting away, deferring, working mad hard, and travelling. i'm just confused. uni has always been such a struggle for me to immerse myself in!! and the thing that sucks is that my sister just went through her course, loved it, did well, worked hard, three years, bam, job in italy. and i think, deferring uni? isnt that like my bills? putting it on hold and not really fixing the problem to begin with? should i just struggle through this thing and get it into the past? over and done with?
it's up to myself to dig me out of this hole and i'm just not sure what i should do. i'm so sick of being a student, having no money, living in a shithole, no matter how cheap the rent is, or how good the location is, or what a sweet guy my roommate is.
i just don't understand how i can't register what an awesome achievement it is for me to be in the course, and have the means to do the course.... so why am i throwing this education away? why aren't i inspired by this stuff, on track, meshed, got it together? this is my third year of studying graphic design, i'm in second year, how fucking long is it gonna take to do my course? what am i gonna decide to do with the time that i have in my life? is it a waste to defer, to stall the course? does that mean that i have failed? how will my parents view that? i dont wanna be some dropkick moving back into the parents house, i need to get my shit together.. but every year--- every year--- this has happened. is it something i can control, organise, change? or something i have to live with, struggle through, hate? would time off be an option, and if so, how would i fill this time to make it something positive and productive?
lots and lots of ranting. i can't just defer my course and get drunk and take drugs and go out and pilfer my money. and i cant fantasise about winning that million, buying a house, a pool, and riding horses for the rest of the year.
but to stay at school i need a massive kick up the ass and a lock and chain to the campus.
and to not be at school? it defies my very structure. and either way, i still have to get through the course in the end.
advice, advice.
been a bit of a downer lately.. really stressed about money, bills, the house... just wanna get away from it all, but as my bf says, that's not really addressing any of the problems, is it?
woke up last night at 2 in the morning with my roomate and his
obnoxious immature bitch friend tracy screaming and squealing their heads off like a bunch of fucking 10 year olds at a slumber party... at the top of their lungs... it's enough during the day, but in the middle of the night? i feel sorry for the neighbours.
anyway, i have about enough money to live off, and i'm being sent all these final notice letters... i'm just fucked. i just have no motivation to go to uni, let alone do the work. i'm just not sure what i'm gonna do about that. i mean, i can imagine myself settling down with it as a career, but the idea of me even getting through 3rd year is ludicrous. i want my third year to be impassioned, applied, focused-- worth the hecs i'm paying for it. perhaps it's an excuse,but i havent had a break from school in 16 years and i'm feeling pissed. or maybe it's just lazyness, or selfishness. if i really wanted to do this course wouldn't i have the drive to apply myself already? and if i deferred for a year, what then? do i honestly think i could work a full time job? cause that's what i'd have to do.
i've been thinking about saving and going on a holiday... just getting away, deferring, working mad hard, and travelling. i'm just confused. uni has always been such a struggle for me to immerse myself in!! and the thing that sucks is that my sister just went through her course, loved it, did well, worked hard, three years, bam, job in italy. and i think, deferring uni? isnt that like my bills? putting it on hold and not really fixing the problem to begin with? should i just struggle through this thing and get it into the past? over and done with?
it's up to myself to dig me out of this hole and i'm just not sure what i should do. i'm so sick of being a student, having no money, living in a shithole, no matter how cheap the rent is, or how good the location is, or what a sweet guy my roommate is.
i just don't understand how i can't register what an awesome achievement it is for me to be in the course, and have the means to do the course.... so why am i throwing this education away? why aren't i inspired by this stuff, on track, meshed, got it together? this is my third year of studying graphic design, i'm in second year, how fucking long is it gonna take to do my course? what am i gonna decide to do with the time that i have in my life? is it a waste to defer, to stall the course? does that mean that i have failed? how will my parents view that? i dont wanna be some dropkick moving back into the parents house, i need to get my shit together.. but every year--- every year--- this has happened. is it something i can control, organise, change? or something i have to live with, struggle through, hate? would time off be an option, and if so, how would i fill this time to make it something positive and productive?
lots and lots of ranting. i can't just defer my course and get drunk and take drugs and go out and pilfer my money. and i cant fantasise about winning that million, buying a house, a pool, and riding horses for the rest of the year.
but to stay at school i need a massive kick up the ass and a lock and chain to the campus.
and to not be at school? it defies my very structure. and either way, i still have to get through the course in the end.
advice, advice.
lovitch:
First breath, your only 20 and scared shitless of failing or failing your parents. Dont worry Im sure your parents are happy for you and proud. Do what you need to do to keep moving forward. Look my life is simple Im 28 and still think like you. We cant help to think if we fail its the end of the world. No its not but dont get use too not completing task you set for your self. Then later on it becomes a habit, every thing is fine just take a deep breath look at the whole picture. Come on youre an artist let the simple answer come to you and just do it. Sorry dint mean to sound like a Nike commercial. 
seikin7:
wow. You've just taken the EXACT words out of my mouth! Your even doing a similar course to me. I've always wondered if I should defer or not. I have absolutely no motivation, it's getting beyond a joke. I think I'm just avoiding having to get a career by going to uni, cos nothing is really interesting me at the moment. Uni fees suck also!