betsyjane

Jeeeeez, This is weird.
I'm at my Dad's in new york and its hard to type on this keyboard.
Its an ancient ancient computer and dial up. But mostly the ancientness.
I'm on Netscape 4.0 because I.E. Won't work.
I was afraid to upgrade the netscape or anything for fear a newer version wouldn't work and lo and behold jus going to the netscape website made everything explode and have to start over.
Everything is Big Blue Links. It was really hard to read my comments and even get to this page.
Man.
So my dad's cable box is either broken or something he did so I can't even watch tv.
I can't really talk to him because although I don't feel as sick anymore I still have a realllly bad sore throat and my dad is hard of hearing.
It is so wierd being here.
My ex-boyfriends resume was still on the desktop.
Its weird being here with all kinds of old crap and treasures in boxes. With my bed.
It was weird enough being in this apartment after my mom died. Now that the dog is dead too the place just feels so painfully empty.
I don't understand why my dad doesn't want a pet.
Also he thought the internet wasn't working.
The modem was not plugged in.
Also he has been paying 50 dollars a month for cable for 6 months to a year even though the cable box is not hooked up/not working.
Also, why did I even bother buying him that michael moore dvd set.
He will never ever use the dvd player.
He didn't even know which was the vcr and which was the cable box.
I worry about him alone but I feel like I'm dying every second I'm here.
At least last time I was here with a friend.
My best friend is coming tommorow night and we are going to her place.
She wants me to stay with her the whole time but I don't want to neglect my dad too much.
But here I am at his place tonight and he is in the kitchen listening to the radio like always.
I don't even know where to begin with my stuff.
Hell with what's left of mom's stuff thats been sitting here for 5 years. fuck.
In other news I got a sexy haircut. I have no camera though.
Its short and darkish and spikey in the back with long blonde and pint bangs coming down on one side and slightly shorter turqoise and blonde on the other.
I'll trim the colour out when I go back to work. Not sure how they'll take the haircut. May have to even it out a bit to look more "professional" oh well I feel like me for now anyway which is wonderful.
I can't really check groups or anyone elses journal right now so I send well wishes to all.
yeah.

Oh wait also my dad wants to go to the pride parade (heritage march?) with me. Which would be sweet if like I don't know I was in the sort of situation where I needed parental support about my sexuality - like if I hadn't been raised by "everybody is bisexual to some extent" we have lots of gay friends superliberal hippie people.
Also I know the more bodies there showing support the better and the diversity of old and young etc... but I wanna take my top off and dance around and flirt and meet people and party and show a bisexual presence and learn new things etc.. I don't really want to hang out with my dad.
I told him I probably want to march and not just "watch the parade" but I don't know whats going to happen.
It would be cute that he wants to go and it was adorable when my parents taped me marching on the news in high school (in hot pants and a feather boa - they were so proud)
but really he would want to go to anything with me since I'm only home for a few days - as long as it wasn't somthing really christian or conservative or violent.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful. Its complicated. Family usually is I guess. Maybe? ugh.