betrayedbyhope

I find myself laughing at my pain..

Things are bad, real bad.. Time is seeming to run short for me now..

Thanks for all the comments everyone has given me, and the well wishes..

i have been in so many fights, physically, mentally.. ive been to the point of death and back.. but now, i fight the one opponent im not so sure i can beat.. death..

as i said, i will keep you all updated because i know i have nothing to worry about when it comes to people in my personal life finding out..

My body is shutting down it seems.. trying to commit suicide without my permission.. ironic.. because everytime i wanted suicide my body wouldnt allow it, now i dont want it.. and ..meh.. well it brings me to the situation im in..

I did go to the hospital.. there is nothing they can do.. apparently my life has been so full of stress that it is actually shutting down my insides... which means my heart is pumping blood for the organs, but they are rejecting it.. and so it ends up coming out of my mouth and in my lungs... sexy, no? *chuckles*

My only chance is to try and keep from falling apart, keep my mind off things, hope stress disappears, and pray that its not too late to reverse the effects.. i will be honest, im probably dying.. there is a large chance that i could die in my sleep, due to the dorment state and slowing process.. The doctors say that if i can survive the better part of 2 years, i should be ok. the problem is, until that point comes, its going to be a struggle to keep alive.. i could have 4 months, 6, maybe even a year.. or i could fall asleep tonight and not awaken..

Ugh, on a better note!!! *sarcasm* its come to my attention that people may not be worth the time... Trust is a big issue with me, and when i give it, it seems to slap me in the face.. perhaps id be better off not to give it, i dont know.. im all about giving chances... but generally only one per person.. which brings me into a certain situation i now find myself facing... more stress.. *just what the doctor ordered! ((more sarcasm))

Well, everyone.. Thank you for listening once more, and hopefully youll be able to listen to me whine a bit longer..

but, as in all things.. only time will tell..

In This World, And the Next
Brad (Loki, Arian)