betrayedbyhope

If i were to say i was dying, how would the world respond?

... i choose to bring this up here because no one knows me well enough for this to truly effect them... and because i realize that there is no way for my family and friends to find out just yet... not until im ready and sure..... Last night and today, i fell into a horrible coughing fit.. but spit and air wasnt all that came out.. on both occassions about half a mouth-full of blood came forth.. It seems blood has found its way into my lungs..

I spoke to a doctor today, and he didnt seem very..positive .. so i am taking myself to the hosipital sometime this week... I dont know what they will say.. perhaps it is something temp? perhaps i have 6 months to a year.. i dont really know... but things dont look well...

... My life i dont really worry about... its the lives of those around me.. how do i tell them? ...Im not sure what im going to do.. ..

things arnt well...

This has brought me to a lot of thinking though... Everyone who is reading this... do not go about your life as i have.. cherish everything.. even the things you dislike.. Ive missed out on most of the life i have had just because i was too busy blinding myself from the truths... Ive made many mistakes... as im sure everyone has.. but dont dwell on them... just keep moving forward.. always forward.. Never regret a thing.. perhaps everything happens for a reason.. perhaps everything is just a random roll of the dice.. whatever it is, take the chances, and even if they fail... it doesnt matter.. you tried.. its more then most can say... its more then i can say...

though i am not quite sure what is going to happen, i know its not looking well... this has shown me how fragile our lives really are.. i use to think i was immortal.. ive fallen great distences, survived suicide attempts.. and more... and yet here i am, coughing up blood because of ciggs.. *shrugs* .. i must admit.. this sucks..

Anyways... i will continue to update on my condition as time goes by... As i know i am safe posting on S.G. until the time is ready to bring others into it...

Thank you for listening, And for those of you who gave me so much advice to help me surpass previous depression... thank you the most..