random rant
okay, i know i said i was going to tell you all about my idiot roommates like MONTHS ago, but then i realize that no matter how i described these people, nothing would really adequately describe the sheer LAMENESS that is my 3 dysfunctional leeches...i mean roommates.
however, this week has been esepcially trying on my nerves.
exhibit a
the fucking TRASH.
okay, one of my roommates thought it would be a freakin' mint idea to invite her mother and her lamer-than-fucking-lame boyfriend to spend the week with her iin our house. yeah, that's right i said her MOTHER.
now, since these people have arrived our house has smelled like curry explosion. yes, my roommate is indian and yes i love indian food...but i do not like it when my bras smell like fucking CHICKEN TANDOORI.
since her mother has been here, my fucking grapefruit has been eaten, my soap has been violated, and my drain has been clogged with hairballs larger than anything a cat could cough up--both of them have hair that reaches to their butts. oh wait, i shold say ALL 3 of them do! yes, her boyfriend sports a ponytail. wack-ness.
moreover, our TRASH has not been emptied for a week. and frankly i refuse to do it. 'twas not i who cooked more food than could feed all of bangledesh for this week, causing the trash can to overflow with old potato naan, curried potatoes and other delicacies. and to make matters worse, the people are piling trash upon trash dumpster-style. my kitchen now features a delectable balancing act of rhinds, rice and gelatinous miscellania.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
now, you'd think to say "desiree, just talk to them. ask them to take out the trash." yeah, i tried that. 15,000,000 times. literally. ask throatneedle...i done used up ALL my purple post-its in passive aggressive attempts to get my maggot roommates to stop living in their own excrement. i've stopped fighting that war. i surrender. white flag. i will just live in my room. i have my own trash can there.
exhibit b
dood. this is a classic complaint. but ain't nothing worse than finding out your ass HAT roommate neglected to replace the toilet paper AFTER you've begun to take a shit. you know how many times this has happened to me? like i lost count. i know, it's probably my fault. i should hone my toilet paper detecting skills...and overcompensate for their severe deficiences.
okay. i feel rather better about everything now.
i hope you realize that i could produce for you an entire novel about the fucking abominations my roommates are. really, i could.
on a sadder but more positive note, i miss my plymouth reliant today for some odd reason:
she was my first car, quite possibly my first love. sure, she wasn't the prettiest pigeon in the park, but she was mine.
RIP you silly piece of shit.
i love you.
okay, i know i said i was going to tell you all about my idiot roommates like MONTHS ago, but then i realize that no matter how i described these people, nothing would really adequately describe the sheer LAMENESS that is my 3 dysfunctional leeches...i mean roommates.
however, this week has been esepcially trying on my nerves.
exhibit a
the fucking TRASH.
okay, one of my roommates thought it would be a freakin' mint idea to invite her mother and her lamer-than-fucking-lame boyfriend to spend the week with her iin our house. yeah, that's right i said her MOTHER.
now, since these people have arrived our house has smelled like curry explosion. yes, my roommate is indian and yes i love indian food...but i do not like it when my bras smell like fucking CHICKEN TANDOORI.
since her mother has been here, my fucking grapefruit has been eaten, my soap has been violated, and my drain has been clogged with hairballs larger than anything a cat could cough up--both of them have hair that reaches to their butts. oh wait, i shold say ALL 3 of them do! yes, her boyfriend sports a ponytail. wack-ness.
moreover, our TRASH has not been emptied for a week. and frankly i refuse to do it. 'twas not i who cooked more food than could feed all of bangledesh for this week, causing the trash can to overflow with old potato naan, curried potatoes and other delicacies. and to make matters worse, the people are piling trash upon trash dumpster-style. my kitchen now features a delectable balancing act of rhinds, rice and gelatinous miscellania.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
now, you'd think to say "desiree, just talk to them. ask them to take out the trash." yeah, i tried that. 15,000,000 times. literally. ask throatneedle...i done used up ALL my purple post-its in passive aggressive attempts to get my maggot roommates to stop living in their own excrement. i've stopped fighting that war. i surrender. white flag. i will just live in my room. i have my own trash can there.
exhibit b
dood. this is a classic complaint. but ain't nothing worse than finding out your ass HAT roommate neglected to replace the toilet paper AFTER you've begun to take a shit. you know how many times this has happened to me? like i lost count. i know, it's probably my fault. i should hone my toilet paper detecting skills...and overcompensate for their severe deficiences.
okay. i feel rather better about everything now.
i hope you realize that i could produce for you an entire novel about the fucking abominations my roommates are. really, i could.
on a sadder but more positive note, i miss my plymouth reliant today for some odd reason:
she was my first car, quite possibly my first love. sure, she wasn't the prettiest pigeon in the park, but she was mine.
RIP you silly piece of shit.
i love you.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
in short, I feel ya, girl. try some mega passive aggressive tactics (like stashing ALL of the toilet paper and just bringing it in with you when you need it, eating [or tossing] their favorite fridge items without explanation, buy and burn the stinkiest candles you can find near them while they're eating, etc), which might not make them think twice about their actions, but will most likely make you feel better until they're gone. respect works both ways, people!
Roomates suck..... it makes being rid of them that much better when you have your own place.
Keep your eye on the prize (whatever that means)