bess

My bed is too cold to sleep in tonight. I miss Rob.

I have to work in the morning. I wish I didn't. I'd rather sit home and mope, wallow and pity myself, but that doesn't buy toilet paper, does it? Speaking of which, do you know that I haven't really eaten in four days? I think I've had a few pieces of salami, a Hershey bar and countless glasses of water. Oh, and a snack bag of Funyuns. I love Funyuns.

That train is so close. I remember being a kid living near the tracks, and I could never sleep until the train went by. I missed it. Here I am back at the tracks.

So, I can't sleep. I lie down in that bed stare at the ceiling. Squee is no help, chewing on the bars like a dentist's drill, and Anju and Soodah just don't care. I tried to find pity with them, but they don't want to cuddle at 4 in the morning. They just squeak and push me away with their little hands. I thought rats were nocturnal...

I can't get over Rob, you know? I mean, it's been a million years (5 months), but it doesn't feel that way. Most of the time, I'm okay. I can function like a relatively normal human being and not think about him at all, but sometimes things come back to me like a song or a smell, and it hits me like that damn train and I can't think. I don't want to think. I just want him.