it's 1:35am and i've been trying to sleep since 10pm ... arhhhhhhhh ... i wish the gym was open.
see i know this person, the problems really started getting out of control at the age of about 15 ... older male friends, 18 or so, would give her drugs, tobacco and alcohol ... well they would do this because young girls are so funny when they are drunk. these people are real friends ... they understand.
we were so proud of her, because she was in the "gifted and talented" aka "selective" stream at shool, at the age of 15 her and some other bright children were invited to do an economics project with a bunch of the older 17 - 18 year olds. hindsight is 20/20, but then we didn't see it. well all the girls soon had 18 year old school leaver boyfriends. well wasn't that the start of something fun?
on her blog, she is a self confessed drunk and questions whether she is drug addict.
on the other hand her mother and i, well me in particular, i'm a real cunt who doesn't understand.
she's 16 now and will be 17 in june ... she has fake id for a 19 year old (the legal drinking age is 18) and currently has an 18 boyfrriend, that, well also understands and of course has her best interests at heart and understand that being 16 she needs her drugs, alcohol and tobacco, he makes sure that she has them too. oh did i mention she has asthma and she went ape shit the last time i made a connection between her choking in the middle of the night and her constant smoking?
see i tried to run away from all this shit the other day, i just found that i didn't have the strength to stand by and watch it any more. besides, she's been telling me for the last 4 or more years that "i'm not her dad", so despite the fact that i really love her mother, why would i care (sarcasm flag; sarcasm is a coping mechanism)?
she sent me another go fuck yourself email that i read today and uhmm, well i'm doing all i can to regroup, having just left the relationship with her mother because i cannot support her any more in her suffering with all the abuse that, unbeknownst to her precious daughter, that my partner was suffering.
see, the thing that really twists my mind is that her mother and i are the only two people i know of in this young girl's life that think her lifestyle is unsuitable for a 16 year old, but we are the controlling fuckwits that don't understand.
the people that don't control her ...
the older friends and parents of the boys whose places she sleeps over at (since the age of 15), that at best are morally bankrupt and at worst are paedophiles. well they of course don't control her. these same people parents of 18 year old boys harboured her when she chose to run away also.
the father for example that for the last six years has used his children as weapons against their mother and me, by poisoning their mouths with phrases like, "she is so controlling", "she is so negative", "he is not your father", well he's not controling either. and up until about 6 months ago i never openly said a bad thing about him either (this is another regret, in hindsight the guy is a complete fucking tool and we should have done everything we could have to keep him and the kids apart, rather than paying for him to see them).
she has this well developed network of friends now that support her lifestyle now. people that really care.
that fuckwit father. once because he was pennyless, i took him, my partner (his ex) and his daughter out to the country for a bush walk, and lunch (this is not an isolated incident by the way, it is just one of many, i need a labotomy examples). well anyway, my partner was driving my lexus at that time and in front of his daughter and my partner he said to me "you know money cannot buy you love, you think this fancy car is anything, i had a friend who did exactly the same thing with a bmw and his girlfriend still left him".
i say pennyless because that is what he would say to the kids, even though he was living in a $500 per week ocean view apartment walking distance to bronte beach. oh, no mum worked seven days a week to raise the 3 kids before i came on the scene and didn't get a penny from him.
once he wouldn't even give his daughter $6 for a school video and when i suggested to his daughter that this might be something her father might like to help with the little 11 year old came back in tears and said he can't because he has no money. i mean he would lay this shit on an 11 year old. the next week he came over to show us all a dancing video that he was in that only cost $20. i mean he had totally forgotton that he bumped his daughter for $6 less than a week before that. yeah i coughed up the money.
what a fuckwit and me what a fuckwit, forget the time that i sent him and his three kids on a fucking one week ski holiday just so the children would not be traumatised by the new threat that i posed to their idea of family (even though they had been divorced for over 12 years when i came onto the scene; i was the first serious relationship she dared have in all that time), i mean i must need my fucking head examined.
or the time i would drive this poor girl to sport every weekend because he would forget to pick her up, right up until the time that she made it into the grand final of course, when in front of his daughter he said to me "thank you for your services, but she is my daughter and i will take over this responsibility now". i should have either punched him in the head then or walked away. but it went on. i am a fuckwit looser.
it's these kind of things that are torturing me now. at 12 or 13 he was encouraging his daughter to leave school to become a web designer which was like six months of hell for her mother and i where every day we were "so evil" for "trying to control her" and "not supporting her" in her new found career choice.
now the gym is closed, and my mind is full of poison, arrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggg, i miss my partner like crazy, but i don't miss the abuse. i wish the gym was open. i know this too will pass. just venting.
i have loved this kid through her mother's eyes despite the abuse. i just don't have the strength any more. i quit. i just need to find something in myself that can see me through this time.
it's practice you see. unhappy > happy, practice.
see i know this person, the problems really started getting out of control at the age of about 15 ... older male friends, 18 or so, would give her drugs, tobacco and alcohol ... well they would do this because young girls are so funny when they are drunk. these people are real friends ... they understand.
we were so proud of her, because she was in the "gifted and talented" aka "selective" stream at shool, at the age of 15 her and some other bright children were invited to do an economics project with a bunch of the older 17 - 18 year olds. hindsight is 20/20, but then we didn't see it. well all the girls soon had 18 year old school leaver boyfriends. well wasn't that the start of something fun?
on her blog, she is a self confessed drunk and questions whether she is drug addict.
on the other hand her mother and i, well me in particular, i'm a real cunt who doesn't understand.
she's 16 now and will be 17 in june ... she has fake id for a 19 year old (the legal drinking age is 18) and currently has an 18 boyfrriend, that, well also understands and of course has her best interests at heart and understand that being 16 she needs her drugs, alcohol and tobacco, he makes sure that she has them too. oh did i mention she has asthma and she went ape shit the last time i made a connection between her choking in the middle of the night and her constant smoking?
see i tried to run away from all this shit the other day, i just found that i didn't have the strength to stand by and watch it any more. besides, she's been telling me for the last 4 or more years that "i'm not her dad", so despite the fact that i really love her mother, why would i care (sarcasm flag; sarcasm is a coping mechanism)?
she sent me another go fuck yourself email that i read today and uhmm, well i'm doing all i can to regroup, having just left the relationship with her mother because i cannot support her any more in her suffering with all the abuse that, unbeknownst to her precious daughter, that my partner was suffering.
see, the thing that really twists my mind is that her mother and i are the only two people i know of in this young girl's life that think her lifestyle is unsuitable for a 16 year old, but we are the controlling fuckwits that don't understand.
the people that don't control her ...
the older friends and parents of the boys whose places she sleeps over at (since the age of 15), that at best are morally bankrupt and at worst are paedophiles. well they of course don't control her. these same people parents of 18 year old boys harboured her when she chose to run away also.
the father for example that for the last six years has used his children as weapons against their mother and me, by poisoning their mouths with phrases like, "she is so controlling", "she is so negative", "he is not your father", well he's not controling either. and up until about 6 months ago i never openly said a bad thing about him either (this is another regret, in hindsight the guy is a complete fucking tool and we should have done everything we could have to keep him and the kids apart, rather than paying for him to see them).
she has this well developed network of friends now that support her lifestyle now. people that really care.
that fuckwit father. once because he was pennyless, i took him, my partner (his ex) and his daughter out to the country for a bush walk, and lunch (this is not an isolated incident by the way, it is just one of many, i need a labotomy examples). well anyway, my partner was driving my lexus at that time and in front of his daughter and my partner he said to me "you know money cannot buy you love, you think this fancy car is anything, i had a friend who did exactly the same thing with a bmw and his girlfriend still left him".
i say pennyless because that is what he would say to the kids, even though he was living in a $500 per week ocean view apartment walking distance to bronte beach. oh, no mum worked seven days a week to raise the 3 kids before i came on the scene and didn't get a penny from him.
once he wouldn't even give his daughter $6 for a school video and when i suggested to his daughter that this might be something her father might like to help with the little 11 year old came back in tears and said he can't because he has no money. i mean he would lay this shit on an 11 year old. the next week he came over to show us all a dancing video that he was in that only cost $20. i mean he had totally forgotton that he bumped his daughter for $6 less than a week before that. yeah i coughed up the money.
what a fuckwit and me what a fuckwit, forget the time that i sent him and his three kids on a fucking one week ski holiday just so the children would not be traumatised by the new threat that i posed to their idea of family (even though they had been divorced for over 12 years when i came onto the scene; i was the first serious relationship she dared have in all that time), i mean i must need my fucking head examined.
or the time i would drive this poor girl to sport every weekend because he would forget to pick her up, right up until the time that she made it into the grand final of course, when in front of his daughter he said to me "thank you for your services, but she is my daughter and i will take over this responsibility now". i should have either punched him in the head then or walked away. but it went on. i am a fuckwit looser.
it's these kind of things that are torturing me now. at 12 or 13 he was encouraging his daughter to leave school to become a web designer which was like six months of hell for her mother and i where every day we were "so evil" for "trying to control her" and "not supporting her" in her new found career choice.
now the gym is closed, and my mind is full of poison, arrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggg, i miss my partner like crazy, but i don't miss the abuse. i wish the gym was open. i know this too will pass. just venting.
i have loved this kid through her mother's eyes despite the abuse. i just don't have the strength any more. i quit. i just need to find something in myself that can see me through this time.
it's practice you see. unhappy > happy, practice.