i wasn't sure if it was depression or just wind. if i had someone to rub my back, i could probably eliminate wind.
i never remember my dad hitting my mum, but i do remember that time he missed. a friend of ours / my parents, i was only 6 so she was their friend, pamella, saw it coming and pushed my mum out of the way. walls, well fortunately we could only afford fibro otherwise he may have broken more than the wall.
what i do remember with clarity are the times that my mum hit my dad or his girlfriend. i don't really have a favorite memory of that, as one does with such things, but there was the time she drove her car up his driveway and smashed it into the back of his car so hard that it pushed his car through the brick wall. i can remember that one, yes. maybe that is my favourite. at least someone finds it amusing.
so it's not really depression any more than it is happiness. it's learnt behavior. violence? nah, i'm afraid of everything, i mean the sadness, the sadness is learnt. my mum was always sad. still is in a greek kind of way. she was obsessed with my father. maybe she still is but i am 38 now, so when she goes on now about how great a person my dad is, i feel it is not such a bad thing if i just switch off or leave.
i never used to know how big an influence my environment had on who i am today, but something was going wrong so, i know it's so cliche, so i started putting a narrative together, just in my mind, this is the first time i have ever stitched these artifacts together, so that i could understand action / consequence and do like the Capernaum's do. if i had fins i'd swim like a fish. i have a 38 year old mind, so it's time to think like an adult.
it's not this of course that makes me unhappy, it is never just one thing, and like everything else, practice makes perfect. i have been sad before, and i have left that place only to be plagued by happiness. the thing about practice was a fortunate epiphany that i can thank mr zoloft for. it was a real yossarian / orr moment.
ah yes, mr zoloft ... sure that is always an option .. please indulge me though, i might try something new ...
i have a few more things to release from their cage only to hope that they "never were", but who knows, things move so quickly and everyone here has been so nice, it might just be a figment. fingers crossed. xx
i never remember my dad hitting my mum, but i do remember that time he missed. a friend of ours / my parents, i was only 6 so she was their friend, pamella, saw it coming and pushed my mum out of the way. walls, well fortunately we could only afford fibro otherwise he may have broken more than the wall.
what i do remember with clarity are the times that my mum hit my dad or his girlfriend. i don't really have a favorite memory of that, as one does with such things, but there was the time she drove her car up his driveway and smashed it into the back of his car so hard that it pushed his car through the brick wall. i can remember that one, yes. maybe that is my favourite. at least someone finds it amusing.
so it's not really depression any more than it is happiness. it's learnt behavior. violence? nah, i'm afraid of everything, i mean the sadness, the sadness is learnt. my mum was always sad. still is in a greek kind of way. she was obsessed with my father. maybe she still is but i am 38 now, so when she goes on now about how great a person my dad is, i feel it is not such a bad thing if i just switch off or leave.
i never used to know how big an influence my environment had on who i am today, but something was going wrong so, i know it's so cliche, so i started putting a narrative together, just in my mind, this is the first time i have ever stitched these artifacts together, so that i could understand action / consequence and do like the Capernaum's do. if i had fins i'd swim like a fish. i have a 38 year old mind, so it's time to think like an adult.
it's not this of course that makes me unhappy, it is never just one thing, and like everything else, practice makes perfect. i have been sad before, and i have left that place only to be plagued by happiness. the thing about practice was a fortunate epiphany that i can thank mr zoloft for. it was a real yossarian / orr moment.
ah yes, mr zoloft ... sure that is always an option .. please indulge me though, i might try something new ...
i have a few more things to release from their cage only to hope that they "never were", but who knows, things move so quickly and everyone here has been so nice, it might just be a figment. fingers crossed. xx