benni

my hands are my hands, but they dont listen to me anymore... ignoring my brain, sending signals to brush the hair out of my eyes; swing and a miss! attempt to rub my tired eyes and wipe the tension from my forehead instead...

maybe my hands are not my hands. they seem to have a mind of their own, as of late... all they can think about are my arms...

the insomnia is getting worse... a full night of sleep marred by nightmares has evolved to a couple of hours of death like sleep punctuated by a gasp awake and a couple of hours of terrified confusion before exhaustion takes me away again...

at least im still getting some sleep.

im back to work after the latest mutant arm day... the first week back is the worst... all my strength and coordination disappears, and i have to build it back in... and its hard to get pretty and leave the house when all you want to do is hibernate...

today a beautiful boy cried and it was my fault... i was sorry, but hurting too.

everyone thinks im out to get them, when in actuality i think theyre out to get me.

maybe thats the lack of sleep talking...


i cant wait to see tegan again. la for her birthday... wouldnt travel that far for many birthdays...

what can i say? i love the ladies.