benni

in a rare (ha!) moment of ego, i decided to leave this photo up a little longer... because it makes me feel sexy.



but methinks its time to update the rest.


*


i walked into the back room and dropped my bag on the floor. its innards spilled unceremoniously onto the dirty carpet. i watched, oblivious.

sat, mechanically.

and then she was there, bright eyes and blonde hair, almost tripping over me before she was aware of me...

and my eyes welled with tears and she hugged me close as i blinked them back, able only to utter a muffled "i miss you"
into her chest.

and i touched my lips to hers, a soft sigh escaping in the confusion, and i wanted her there forever.


*


theres a gnawing in the pit of my stomach... a peculiar ache in my head. no tangible change. i want to sleep.


*


i threw my bags on the floor and stripped in seconds. i started to draw the bath, staring blankly at the linoleum as i listened to the water churn and rise. my cheeks flushed. i blinked the tears back.

"it's not weak to cry, you know."

"it is."

"well you must be the only one in the world who thinks so."

well arent i special.

i drew the bath i wanted to drown in, temperature set to scald. i climbed into the tub and pulled my knees to my chest. rocked back and forth, the steam stinging my eyes. stinging my eyes and clearing my head.

i nodded off, but the water was still warm when i awoke.


*


i always wear my seatbelt.


*


the cashier looked me up and down. bottle of water, bag of cheetos, donut.

"will that be all for you?"

my voice was excruciatingly soft.

"gas on two."

she started to ring my booty into the register. a kid stood next to the magazine rack eyeing me.

"hey. my boy out there wants to talk to you."

i stared blankly, my red rimmed eyes and quivering lip giving me away.

"why?"

he didnt respond. i gathered my things and hurried to my car, head down.


*