benni

gah! why can't i have a happy carefree journal entry, huh? why? ever since the day i detected urine in here, things have been disgustingly foul... bills and work and swollen knees! shimblazza! i disclaim to you: today i'monna vent, sos if you don't want to read it, that's fine... punch me in the face!

soooo... when you dance six days a week on a regular basis, take a week off that's riddled with long periods of inactivity and/or arm pain, when you return to work, suddenly there's a physical challenge there that didn't exist before. i was super sore and worn down... but then friday... oh, ho... friday... i worked a long shift, and worked my ass off... and this might be my own stupid fault for the way i dance; very hard on the knees and i know it... but i have recurring water on the knee. my left knee (why him? he's my favorite!) will get super swollen and tender... it's like the body conjures up this water pocked to cushion the knee from perceived damage you're doing to it... and it FUCKING HURTS! it's huge, it hasn't gone down yet, and working, walking, and sleeping on it are excruciating... the ibuprofen does nothing...!

but that's not even my biggest peeve right now. when i go to work, i go to WORK. i'm not there to make friends, i'm not there to get caught up in the stripper bullshit. i've been dancing for about two and a half years, and in all that time, there are probably only three girls that i would consider friends, who i've actively seen and talked to ouside of work...

so one of them is telling my customers that im a prostitute? what? where the fuck...?

there have always been rumors about me... since the day i walked in there. why? because i don't do their fucking drugs, i don't get wasted, i come in, do my shit, and LEAVE. sooo... i've been a lesbian (ha! okay, they're half right on that one...), i've been effing the boss to get decent schedules, i've been a schitzophrenic, the list of stories goes on... but this girl i care about is suddenly running around telling my customers that i'm a hooker, a homewrecker, and a bad person all around.

i don't know what i did, but it didn't warrant any of this bullshit. work is a lot harder when you have to explain that no, you're not going to eff people for money...

and it's even harder when you have absolutely no one to talk to there because all of the girls have it in your heads that you're fucking up THEIR money.

i wish i didn't bother me at all, but it does. so i say fuck them. fuck them in their stupid asses.



okay. i think i'm done. thank god that's over. despite the overall tone of this... i love you guys...

thanks for listening... i have no one else to talk to...