ben_dover_4prez

Hahahaha NOW I remember, you wre the only one who gave thought advice hahaha

Oh and about the university thing: I remeber when I dropped out of primary school I couldnt tell my dad because I knew he would be fucking upset. I wrote him a letter and he freaked out. He thought it is a goodbye suicide letter or something, he drove to my place and was hysterical. I told him I am pretty fine, I just CANT work there anymore. My grandma, who lives in the same house with me, still has no fucking idea. She always asks why I stay at home and why dont I go to work. I want to tell her, but I know she wouldnt understand. But I think when I finally come out with the truth I will feel a lot better. I have to do it someday, because I know she knows the truth deep down in her heart.

Weeds is amazing, in germany it is shown very late in tv so I dont know any part of the series But I can watch them all this weekend. Hooray.

I sold my old backstreet boys cds today hahahahaha that was so funny. I didnt get much money but the second hand shop guy was so cool. He said: " Ohhhh nooo Backstreeb Boys. You were a hardcore fan of them right?" I had every BSB cd twice or multiple times, it was so embarassing, because next to me were this cool alternative guys and I stood there with my BSB cds and my tattoed sleeves hahahahaha

Regarding the cheque... I have no idea if it is possible. I think it has to be written on my real name... but who knows?!I think the german banc will cash a lot of it in. For example when I got my suicidegirls cheque it was 500 Dollar but I got 380 Euro out of it.

It is fucking cold here. In some minutes my friend will come and dye my hair blonde.

Kiss

I need to update, my life is confusing like usual, but I work this week and I am excited.When I dont get that job, I will be frustrated. I NEED TO GET IT!

How are you sweetheart? Tell me.
Did I ever send you the answer to the personal university story you wrote me?
I am not so sure. If you didnt get it, I will send it again.

kiss

Ok then I will write and send it again. Sometimes I am too confused to answer properly, i am a bad friend.

Ben my dear!!!!

I hope your friends get the job that would be cool. You could hang out with her in the break and make fun about that dumb coworker.

I had job interviews the last days, but none of them called back. I have absolutly no money at my hands, I think I am going crazy. I need to update but I cant concentrate. I just want to have enough money to eat properly and buy my cigarettes... uagh... a best friend of mine feels suicidal, I talk with her a lot and it makes me depressive too. She sucks the last bit of energy out of my mind, but I cant tell her. I need to help her and ignore the fact, that I am getting depressive again.

Did you get your car back?

Kiss

I have paypal but I dont want your money, Ben. It is allright. I will lose some weight and stop smoking, these are 2 good side effects of being broken. But I want to thank you for caring, because a lot of people dont care and are fake friends. I really appreciate you as a friend, you know that?!

Today a friend of mine came and made some photos of me, she studies art. I had no makeup on, the photos were terrible hahahahaha

In the evening I will watch a dvd and just relax. Nothing special. My dad drove to France with his girlfriend, he has a big house, I will drive over there tomorrow and fix me sth to eat. Everything will be fine.

Do you have any future tattoo plans? If so, tell me the details

I would sell my ass to work with you and I would be a really responsible, hard working girl. And in the little break we could drink coffee and talk.
Thank you so much for your message, it was so fucking long, I enjoyed reading it
I am really feeling good right now, I enjoy the warm weather here, I go for walks, I clean my flat and decorate the walls... I know I was too codependant on every boy I had. Right now I feel I am worth sth even though I am single. Crazy huh?

Tonight is the finale of Germanys next Topmodel, I will watch it with my gay friend Ben (you saw him on myspace) and 2 girlfriends.

I hope you get your car back asap

Where are you hiding, boy?

I got tattoed today! I am so happy, you wont believe it.

Kiss D.

I wish I could move to San Jose. I like the name "San Jose", it sounds like a happy, warm place.
I love Starbucks, we have only one in Dortmund, the coffee is expensive but it is the best. I tried a banana chocolate chili milkshake some days ago... it was so fucking tasty.

Wait you have a starbucks drive through??? hhahahahahahaha never heard of that. We have only one drive through in Dortmund and it is a Mc Donalds one...

I am amazed, I love drive thrus hahahaha

Where are you Ben?

I might arcgive myelf here on SG. I have some private problems and no other possibility.

I hope you will come back online before I am away.

heeeeyyyy boy I had a meeting with my teacher at school, who is mobbing me for quite a while now. She said: "I hoped you wouldnt come back after the holidays. I think you are not right for the job, you were ill so much and everything is too hard for you!" That is ridiculous you know? I was ill for some days but not a lot. I even organized the photography exhibtion with fever. It went welll by the way, the parents really liked the photos and the children were so proud.

Anyway, I think my teacher will give me bad grades at the end of this school year and she hopes I will quit the job.
I wont quit. Never. Even if I get the worst grades I will continue...someday I will get a job with nice teachers and it will be perfect, I hope. I dont know what I did to her, she truly hates me with every beat of her little mean heart. I even sent her a get well note and a present when she was ill, she forgot my birthday, which was no surprise.

Never give up Ben. There will be persons, who will be eventually mean at you in school, but we both know, that they can lick our asses.

Lets win in the lottery and start our own private school