A) I hope nobody is offended that I have removed my friends listing. So many of you have so very many friends on your list that I am sure that it will go unnoticed if I sort of blend in and treat this as a diary of a kind. Please do not be offended because those that were on that listing were generally nice folks, it is just that I do not find myself interacting with any people from here that often, nor do I post in peoples journals (though I do make the odd rare journal drop).
B) Just finished laundry. It is a glorious saturday afternoon. It is damp, and that doesn't really change a whole heck of alot. I have had a discussion with some friends, and I feel that it is time to really hunker down. I have fucked with so many people. Not "fucked with" but rather injected myself into people's lives, and shit gets complicated fast. Complications lead to heartache, and it is not that I am not open to heartache, it is just that I have no room in my heart for ache right now. The tank was full about 3 months ago and I still have not drained off that volatile mixture of pain, lust, love and care. Instead I will just move forward and upward and be a happy fuck.
C) Just purchased Kill Bill. I saw the first at the movie theatre, and from what I remember from my drug-haze, it was pretty cool. I am thinking of waiting before I watch it, but naw. How can I wait. QT is such a cute director man so I will just do it up.
D) Saw my 19 year old sweetheart for the last time on Friday. She is quite the little hottie, but her complications include having a boyfriend and a hot body. She kept coming over and it felt like it was for a mixture of getting herself off, and fucking with minds. It ended with a shower, a smile and a drive home and a long goodbye. We will see each other again I am sure, but no more with the hanky panky (fking).
E) I am slowly working to death. I actually asked my father for a real job. I already am in possession of a real job, but I think he and his partner need to mentor me. They are flying to EU to do some stuff and I would like to accompany them.. or at least maybe another of these investment junkets could see me tagging along. I want to feel like an ignorant kid again. To learn the ropes. I am one greedy mother fucker. I want $. More than most I think. I have realized that with my self preservation society, and my lust for a family and home, I will need buckets of cash, and given that I am not a fan of any sort of debt, then a job of this sort is probably my way forward. The company that I am with may pay off soon though because I feel like we are just around the corner from our final breakthrough and subsequent deal. If that happens, who knows where my shares and employer will take me. I will be rich like the janitor at the first incarnation of Intel? Or do I just move forward along another path?
F) I fucking miss C. I do not think she misses myself though. She is so far away steeped in NYC and with a boyfriend that she already is sick of. She needs to get back here, but she also needs to succeed at her shit. So it is shitty that I feel lost without her influences. She really is a precious person and I miss being able to hold her and kiss the tip of her nose. She told me that she really missed waking up in the AM and seeing me go to work while she went off to academia; spreading apart on our seperate ways for the day only to meet up at some resteraunt or at my apartment. That melted my heart. Someone actually missing me. Is it that I want her to succeed so I push her away?
Z) What the fuck? I am fucked right up and glad to be robot.
Oh dear diary. Today.. she is Saturday.
B) Just finished laundry. It is a glorious saturday afternoon. It is damp, and that doesn't really change a whole heck of alot. I have had a discussion with some friends, and I feel that it is time to really hunker down. I have fucked with so many people. Not "fucked with" but rather injected myself into people's lives, and shit gets complicated fast. Complications lead to heartache, and it is not that I am not open to heartache, it is just that I have no room in my heart for ache right now. The tank was full about 3 months ago and I still have not drained off that volatile mixture of pain, lust, love and care. Instead I will just move forward and upward and be a happy fuck.
C) Just purchased Kill Bill. I saw the first at the movie theatre, and from what I remember from my drug-haze, it was pretty cool. I am thinking of waiting before I watch it, but naw. How can I wait. QT is such a cute director man so I will just do it up.
D) Saw my 19 year old sweetheart for the last time on Friday. She is quite the little hottie, but her complications include having a boyfriend and a hot body. She kept coming over and it felt like it was for a mixture of getting herself off, and fucking with minds. It ended with a shower, a smile and a drive home and a long goodbye. We will see each other again I am sure, but no more with the hanky panky (fking).
E) I am slowly working to death. I actually asked my father for a real job. I already am in possession of a real job, but I think he and his partner need to mentor me. They are flying to EU to do some stuff and I would like to accompany them.. or at least maybe another of these investment junkets could see me tagging along. I want to feel like an ignorant kid again. To learn the ropes. I am one greedy mother fucker. I want $. More than most I think. I have realized that with my self preservation society, and my lust for a family and home, I will need buckets of cash, and given that I am not a fan of any sort of debt, then a job of this sort is probably my way forward. The company that I am with may pay off soon though because I feel like we are just around the corner from our final breakthrough and subsequent deal. If that happens, who knows where my shares and employer will take me. I will be rich like the janitor at the first incarnation of Intel? Or do I just move forward along another path?
F) I fucking miss C. I do not think she misses myself though. She is so far away steeped in NYC and with a boyfriend that she already is sick of. She needs to get back here, but she also needs to succeed at her shit. So it is shitty that I feel lost without her influences. She really is a precious person and I miss being able to hold her and kiss the tip of her nose. She told me that she really missed waking up in the AM and seeing me go to work while she went off to academia; spreading apart on our seperate ways for the day only to meet up at some resteraunt or at my apartment. That melted my heart. Someone actually missing me. Is it that I want her to succeed so I push her away?
Z) What the fuck? I am fucked right up and glad to be robot.
Oh dear diary. Today.. she is Saturday.