I have to stop getting myself in shit.
On the work front, I believe a theory has outstepped my place and made its way to the top of the organization and has rattled a few scientists and engineers' cages and caused some tension. This is not good, but that is how I have marked my first few years with this organization; rocky and tumultuous yet orderly and precise. Maybe like being shrunk down and put inside of a pressure cooker that is full of food that tastes fucking awesome. Whatever, I have upset the apple cart of some powerful people again, and I hope they are more happy about the potential gain with this perspective on a tiny problem within the grande scheme of things, and less upset about the politics of how this unfolded. So what, it might mean a bit of investigation and utilization of time and resources that we have to divert to another thing. Still, it just means more hard work so people should just suck it up.
Whatever. Anyhow.. I am causing shit again with people. The non-work cohort. And I think I actually feel something very un-robotic in that I feel potential Guilt. It is partially fear based in its root. I opened up a can of worms that I knew/know that I should allow to stay closed to me. I am always such a fucktard when it comes to girls. Look at me. I can look at my picture while I type this because seriously, it is 4 cm to the right of where my words are flowing by thanks to SG.com, so how is it that my strange bed-head and meek and obscure self can have these weird situations happen. I am the idiot that will eat the cake as long as it is put in front of him. The person that will indulge themselves at whatever oppurtunity. I am too much the hedonist and I have to STOP. How often have I said this, and how often have I lamented? Talking to an old friend, she was very aware of me and told me that I do this because I need to surround myself with a particular quality and entity. I am making choices and blaming the world for hoisting these things literally onto my lap, when instead I should be blaming myself for lapping these things up like candies.
And this is from someone, me, that has so much Willpower. Or do I.?
On the work front, I believe a theory has outstepped my place and made its way to the top of the organization and has rattled a few scientists and engineers' cages and caused some tension. This is not good, but that is how I have marked my first few years with this organization; rocky and tumultuous yet orderly and precise. Maybe like being shrunk down and put inside of a pressure cooker that is full of food that tastes fucking awesome. Whatever, I have upset the apple cart of some powerful people again, and I hope they are more happy about the potential gain with this perspective on a tiny problem within the grande scheme of things, and less upset about the politics of how this unfolded. So what, it might mean a bit of investigation and utilization of time and resources that we have to divert to another thing. Still, it just means more hard work so people should just suck it up.
Whatever. Anyhow.. I am causing shit again with people. The non-work cohort. And I think I actually feel something very un-robotic in that I feel potential Guilt. It is partially fear based in its root. I opened up a can of worms that I knew/know that I should allow to stay closed to me. I am always such a fucktard when it comes to girls. Look at me. I can look at my picture while I type this because seriously, it is 4 cm to the right of where my words are flowing by thanks to SG.com, so how is it that my strange bed-head and meek and obscure self can have these weird situations happen. I am the idiot that will eat the cake as long as it is put in front of him. The person that will indulge themselves at whatever oppurtunity. I am too much the hedonist and I have to STOP. How often have I said this, and how often have I lamented? Talking to an old friend, she was very aware of me and told me that I do this because I need to surround myself with a particular quality and entity. I am making choices and blaming the world for hoisting these things literally onto my lap, when instead I should be blaming myself for lapping these things up like candies.
And this is from someone, me, that has so much Willpower. Or do I.?