bellensebastian

so i am confused about the girls that come into my life. there are alot of people that come and go, that stay and that drift away.

but first.. this song on the internerd radio (the music i listen to when i am not being pretentious and sticking to my own music collection of audio) is perfect for breaking up a party. why a cool station like that has to throw on the odd experimental crap is beyond me. anyhow.. at least they can play badlydrawnboy or something like that also. but what the fuck am i talking about. girls yes.

checking out this pot of tea right beside me reminds me of two girls that recently stopped by. both of them shared a pot of tea. one girl laughed and we watched this most insane movie about a japanese family that owned a guest house, yet everyone that visited ended up dead. it was subtitled and was a musical and it was fantastic. and the company was great. what a hot fun cool girl. this girl just rocks my world. i find her very sexually intimidating though. bam she is cool. and then there was the other friend. now this cup of tea was shared over alot of tension. we cut through the tension to actually get at the tea. and when we shared it, there was more tension. fuck. it is a person that i really care about. she played a major part in who i am. we lived together for years. were lovers. fuck we laughed all of the time. the tension really got to her. she has a boyfriend, and she has issues, and i think i complicated stuff by just existing. we calmly talked. she cried when she saw a girl's panties on my bedroom floor. i didn't get it. i do. and i don't. she dumped my ass, and i thought and still do think that we are apart for important reasons. she should have laughed at some girl's panties on the floor. i wish i could just hang out with this person. she is so great. great in my life sense. great in the sense of human. girl relationships always get all messy. and guys are just plain stupid to hang with. the residence artist girl buddy is also being weird. i think i have set boundaries with everyone, and nobody wants to respect that. and now a new friend comes on the horizon. she is cool, and alpha. we'll see. you can tell the single ones too though. the ones with new boyfriends, that like to keep tabs on you in case shit doesn't work out. i am not an oppurtunity i don't think. i just want to fucking live. i don't remember having a partner that fucking rocked me out of the blue. being in the dating world feels like living amongst a bunch of stalkers. and it is starting to freak me out.

currently will hide behind art, books, and martini glasses.