bella_donna

Thank God I learned first aid and cpr!! or the day from the twighlight zone...

I had a scary day at work today (im a caregiver for asweet old lady with alzheimers)...well it was an all around strange day.

But today at work Dita (the sweet lady i care for) started choking seriously. It scared the hell out of me and her but I went into instinked mode and started giving her the himlic...it wasnt working at first cause I dont think i was giving enough pressure I was scared to death almost in tears and then i said to myself ok you have to do it harder and if you brake a rib at least she will be alive so i did one last time real real hard and knocked what ever it was loose.....

but my god it scared me so bad. After i got her all situated and calm and down for a nap..I went outside and proceeded to smoke half a pack of ciggerets my adrenalin was so spiked I could feel it through my whole body and i was shaky I was so happy she was ok cause i care for her dearly but I had such a huge urge to cry and I have no idea why but i held it back incase her husband came home i didnt want to scare him....but it was the oddest feeling..even now i still have a slight feeling of crying and i dont know why I am calm now and extreamly happy she is ok ??The mind has an odd way of working.

But also I now know really know what real helplessness feels like..for those breif moments wich felt like minuts when the himlic wasnt working and i was seeing the fear in her eyes and i couldnt get it to work I cant explaint the feeling it was one of the worst if not the worst feeling I've ever had..mayeb desperation, fear, sadness, panic, helplessness, all tossd into one ugly package.

Well needless to say I am going to take a refresher coarce in first aid and cpr now.

Man its only 7:30 and I'm beat my body feels like mush and my soul equaly.

Also last night I didnt get to bed till real late cause my cat Gimli was missing..Hes the sweetest cat in the world and has a case of kitty mental retardation..but he always comes when we call him and never goes to far and well he didnt come home last night (somethign that has never happend). So me and SoPhast sat up liek 2 worried parents and kept calling him and then got up real early and cased the town calling him with no luck..but luckly he returned this afternoon as happy and dirty as can be. *Thank God*

And also today Sigmund (my Chihauhau) has his operation to make him a unic (evil i know) SO i was worried about my little baby too. But hes hoem all safe and drugged up but happy.

So even though some would say it was a bad day..I think It was a good day! Dita is safe and ok, Gimli returned home (and is now grounded lol), and Sigmund is happy and healthy but high ^.^

Now I think I'm going to go take a long meditative warm bath ^.^

Kisses **