bella_donna

2 years of artwork in the dumpster

im having anouther of those times when i wish i didn't agsist.

It hurts real bad...my brother brought home the stuff i had left in marquette. ANd when i asked where my sculptures were he told me they had tossed them out. Apparently the antifreez That i had in the tubes of my medicle sculpture had somehow leeked all over my other sculptures and had to toss them out.......mind you they were all made of wood and metal and could have easly been salvaged. He also said they woulda been smashed in the back of the truck and he had no room for them anyways...

So the fact that my fammily knew of this and thought it was no big deal and didnt even bother to tell me about it or even clean them off...is a huge punch to the gut.

So about 10 mins after my brother left and I was sitting on my couch holding back tears my father called and said That i had to paint over the fake cow skull that i had asked them if i could have. I guess my brother saw it in my house and was upset because it had been his and he wanted it back.

So after this it was like rubbing salt and broken glass into a fresh wound ..I went to go take it off the wall and snapped and tossed it on the ground and the horn broke.

and needless to say I broke down pretty hard. So my husband took it down the street to go talk to my fammily (probably not the best idea) and let them know how bad they had hurt me and the minut he walked into the door my father began yelling at him.

And now they are not talking to me......
I feel like total dirt hell worse then dirt. The fact that my fammily dosnt even see how tossing away my art could hurt me or would even care.

My art is important to me ..it is a part of me. And the fact that they have never appreciated it or cared hurts more then anyone could ever know.

So i guess i am somethign that could eaither be painted over or tossed out in the trash.
I havent felt this depressed in years i just want my mind to stop..i dont want to be.