belay

Over the past year, life has changed, people changed, and for the most part.... I changed.

The views on life have essentially grown to a better perspective. It is funny how people can change your own views, the way you think, and even the way you act. Six years ago i was someone that i thought was strong, independent, yet naive. Since then i have cried, fought against strong winds, changed myself several times, lost myself plenty, and even destroyed myself.

I would consider last year being the worst year of my life. Seemed as if God just kept on throwing punches at me.. if he hadn't i would not be the person that stands before you today. This woman.. has changed like no other.. I am strong because I know my weaknesses... I am independent because I grew away from dependency... I am responsible because I do not depend on anyone but myself...

Everything happens for a reason.. This i truly believe in. Every person i meet i learn something from them.. every situation i am put in i know later how to avoid it.. but there are times when i have no idea what on earth i am going to do next..

I have gotten to the point in time where i can't let little things bother me anymore.. there is a time and a place to have things settled. i am almost at peace with myself and for the things i have done in the past. i do not regret anything that i have done or said, for those things were supposed to happen. i look back from time to time and think about the people i have loved, the people that i disliked, and the people that changed my life dramatically. those memories i will always hold dear to my heart.

i can honestly say that there is no other person in this world that could understand the way i comprehend things. my mind is very complicated.. and i see things in many different lights.. that is why my photography is the way it is. i am comfortable with saying that i have a weird and odd personality.. because honestly i do. i love everything..

i would say that right now, that i am a strong person on the inside. my inner light is the brightest that it has been for a long time. i walk with my chin up.. my eyes bright.. and with the walk i once had. i moved away for many reasons.. and for those reasons i will not share them..

but since i have moved on my own, i have noticed that being confined has brought me peace with who i am... i had an old friend tell me once that i would never be able to live with myself because i didnt love myself.. i wouldn't be able to sit in a room alone and not want to call someone to see if they would hang out. i would have to escape that room because i wouldnt be able to stand being in there alone with myself. well my dear.. you should see me now

i used to ask myself what i would do if i stayed at Berry College, how my life would have changed.. And now i see how it wouldn't have at all.. i would go into a cycle, like i was always in..

That cycle is broken.. the control is gone.. and now it is my turn to take over. It is time to change the laws, time to show who is in charge.. it is time to prove who i am. Apparently, people are noticing..

There have been rumors floating around that I am in a horrible situation.. haha.. sorry, but that humors me. God has gotten me through the worst in my life, and now i am sailing through some of the best ever. I am not only happier, but i am also healthier. I have had some amazing opportunities come my way, and i have taken them like no other.. Thank dear God for leading me in the correct direction.

The end of this year is coming up soon.. and i have a surprise for you all. One that no one will see coming. I have taken my notes and studied for this final test.. lets see who fails. Im kind of excited heh.

It is time to make another difficult decision in my life.. how will i decide.