beestealer

I'm not sure how I feel about packing up my life into boxes. I'm moving house next week, still in Birmingham mind. We've been in this house for 2 years now and like the foolishly named, but unwanted puppy... I've gotten attached. We 've managed to seep into the walls it seems.

Then there's the packing landmines:

I was clearing away one of my cupboards and found some things of an ex girlfriend and choked. It brought a tear to my eye and a flood of memories that knocked the breath out of me for a moment.

I lived with her in a few places for about 2.5 years, but the feelings weren't of desire or misguided feelings of love for her. It was happier than that, for a long time I have kind of resented the memory of her, a fairy tale relationship tarred by a messy break up, neither of us really wanted, but one which became essential for our peace of mind. She was mostly a fruit and nut bar with the emotional maturity of a 15 year old and the academic aptitude of a 40 year old professor. That's a whole other story many have heard before, at great length. But this isn't a rant about girls, sorry dudes.

Anywho... I found a scrap book of our first holiday together and other various photos, as well as a few cosmetics and a hoodie of hers. It made me remember the good times, clearly. I miss the company of a girlfriend loads at the moment. Getting ready to go out together, cosy nights in and all that military precision of a young couple at the airport.

I put things off and pushed girls I like away beacause of my course and made excuses about everyone leaving and long distance killing ALL of my relationships (true story) etc... but that was just commitment avoidance, excuses. I pobably, totally unintentionally, hurt a few hearts over this. Silly really, that commitment is really rewarding!

I wanna grebbo girlfriend that has pink things in her room and leaves glitter behind if she stays somewhere. Nobody knows where this secret glitter comes from, but they all do it .

Went home for the weekend. It's the first time I've seen my parents since before the exams and therefore my birthday! D'oh.

We did a lot of walking, which is always good, around one of the local National Trust sites. Mom still has loads of work to do for Uni so is sketching everything and anything in every medium at the mo. She's doing movement studies at the moment, lots of water and leaves then, lol. She was told this week that she'd be exibiting at the New Designers Somethin-or-over event next year, so I think she's finally realised she might have to take the academic side of her course seriously. She's really only been using it for all the workshops and a bit of a social if she's honest.

Funny. My mom has always been a good artist, but it took a motorbike accident to make her take it up full time and now she's approaching 50 she's finally getting 'qualified'. I love her designs and wouldn't be surprised if they end up in Habitat or John Lewis or something. Inspired and inspiring. I hope I have the courage and option or opportunity to change my career path that drastically one day.

I am at peace with music that used to set off my very real emo side due to attachment and memory, I can now once again listen to:

1. Bright Eyes, I'm Wide Awake It's Morning.

2. All of Death Cab For Cutie.

3. My Chemical Romance, various songs including I Don't Love You.

4. Modest Mouse, Moon and Antarctica.


I think I give away too much... I've been reading some of my posts online, I seem to add 2-3 sentences of emo drivel or unnecessary detail to things. This must stop. Maybe.

Also:

HOW BORING ARE MY POSTS..... I need to get a camera at some point soon, photos are always good. Even I don't read blogs of pages and pages of type... JEEZ!