Right about now I'm not a big fan of the "SG" name. I know, I know, I've heard the explanations of what it stands for, but I just spent a very good chunk of my day counseling a friend of mine who is in the hospital because overnight Friday PM she tried to kill herself. I won't go much into the details here but let's just leave it at the fact she actually did come a bit too close to doing it. I almost wrote "to being successful" but calling an attempt that ends in death "successful" just sickens me.
The moment I walked into the hospital room she began crying. Through red and swollen eyes that had clearly been crying much of the day, the first thing she said was, "I'm sorry". You're sorry? I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm sorry that I was not there more. I'm sorry that I didn't realize how deep your "moody" periods actually were. That was what I was thinking, but as I looked at her with compassion, she looked back at me with shame.
And then I listened. At first she did not tell me about the causes, she did not share the things in her life that brought her to those fateful moments. That was still too raw. Instead she talked about what actually happened. 3 or 4 times in as many different ways, she walked through the moment she actually took those pills (which she did not, or could not, name or tell how many) up through those first few hours in the ER. Over and over she said, "Thank God my mom found me when she did."
After a few hours of talking with her, or rather listening to her heart slowly open up like a rose to sunlight, I shared with her a few things that I also want to pass along here.
1) You are not alone. When we are going through our struggles, our times of difficulty, we often think that nobody knows or understands what we're dealing with. While the details might be unique, hundreds, if not thousands of others have had similar struggles. This is even true with suicide. I can name easily a dozen people who I have counseled at one point or another who have had thoughts of, or even attempted suicide. I can remember a few dark nights in my own life where those thoughts have bounced around in my head. So instead being ashamed that she (that I) is a suicide survivor, she(we) should feel gratitude that we have another chance at life.
2) God is faithful. You reading this may not believe in God, but my friend does, and I do. To be honest that was adding to her shame. She knew intrinsically that what she has done is wrong. She needed to know deep down inside her that no matter what she has done or what she will do, God will never love her any less. The same is true for you. Even if you don't believe in God, take heart, He believes in you.
3) There is always a way out. When those dark moments seize us, another lie we tell ourselves is that it's hopeless. I can think back to about 13 years ago to the first time I talked a young lady down from suicide. With one hand holding the razor she had just started to use and the other arm wrapping her in a bear hug I listened to her weep on my shoulder, over and over saying, "Its no use. There's no point." That 14 year old girl is now 27, married with two beautiful daughters. She sends me Christmas cards and birthday cards every year that have the words "thank you" at least 3 or 4 times each. I was her way out. But not really me as much as the hope I helped her see. Friendship. Hope. Love. There is always something worth living for. Even if only to say "fuck you, you will not keep me down" to the asshole that might have abused, mistreated, or abandoned us.
So if you know someone struggling, or if perhaps you are going through a dark night of the soul yourself. Remember these three things from the Bible: "No trial has seized you except what is common to man. But God is faithful. He will not let you be tried beyond what you can handle, and with that struggle, He will also provide you a way out so that you might be able to stand up under it."
Be Blessed.
The moment I walked into the hospital room she began crying. Through red and swollen eyes that had clearly been crying much of the day, the first thing she said was, "I'm sorry". You're sorry? I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm sorry that I was not there more. I'm sorry that I didn't realize how deep your "moody" periods actually were. That was what I was thinking, but as I looked at her with compassion, she looked back at me with shame.
And then I listened. At first she did not tell me about the causes, she did not share the things in her life that brought her to those fateful moments. That was still too raw. Instead she talked about what actually happened. 3 or 4 times in as many different ways, she walked through the moment she actually took those pills (which she did not, or could not, name or tell how many) up through those first few hours in the ER. Over and over she said, "Thank God my mom found me when she did."
After a few hours of talking with her, or rather listening to her heart slowly open up like a rose to sunlight, I shared with her a few things that I also want to pass along here.
1) You are not alone. When we are going through our struggles, our times of difficulty, we often think that nobody knows or understands what we're dealing with. While the details might be unique, hundreds, if not thousands of others have had similar struggles. This is even true with suicide. I can name easily a dozen people who I have counseled at one point or another who have had thoughts of, or even attempted suicide. I can remember a few dark nights in my own life where those thoughts have bounced around in my head. So instead being ashamed that she (that I) is a suicide survivor, she(we) should feel gratitude that we have another chance at life.
2) God is faithful. You reading this may not believe in God, but my friend does, and I do. To be honest that was adding to her shame. She knew intrinsically that what she has done is wrong. She needed to know deep down inside her that no matter what she has done or what she will do, God will never love her any less. The same is true for you. Even if you don't believe in God, take heart, He believes in you.
3) There is always a way out. When those dark moments seize us, another lie we tell ourselves is that it's hopeless. I can think back to about 13 years ago to the first time I talked a young lady down from suicide. With one hand holding the razor she had just started to use and the other arm wrapping her in a bear hug I listened to her weep on my shoulder, over and over saying, "Its no use. There's no point." That 14 year old girl is now 27, married with two beautiful daughters. She sends me Christmas cards and birthday cards every year that have the words "thank you" at least 3 or 4 times each. I was her way out. But not really me as much as the hope I helped her see. Friendship. Hope. Love. There is always something worth living for. Even if only to say "fuck you, you will not keep me down" to the asshole that might have abused, mistreated, or abandoned us.
So if you know someone struggling, or if perhaps you are going through a dark night of the soul yourself. Remember these three things from the Bible: "No trial has seized you except what is common to man. But God is faithful. He will not let you be tried beyond what you can handle, and with that struggle, He will also provide you a way out so that you might be able to stand up under it."
Be Blessed.
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i was just yankin yer chain.
people get so serious when they talk "god" and such.
hee!