i get home from work today, set on running. the past few days have been a bit mentally off and i'm desperate to shed this weight. i lay on the couch 'just a few minutes' and before i know it, an hour has passed.
the hubby & i are supposed to go to the NEX tonight for new outfits for his brothers graduation. so at this point i need to get up & get ready to head out there.
so i'm going back and forth between showering, blowdrying, straightening, applying & checking out the newest SGs, when some strange train of thought falls over me. i'm just going to the store. why am i wasting all my time doing this?!
i'm looking at myself in the mirror, watching the slow transformation from the girl that everyone sees everyday at work to the girl that i love to be. ME. and the reasons behind it are many, but they're more apparant over the following moments than ever before.
i've had insecurity problems my entire life. stemming mainly from boyfriends, ranging from those that swore i was amazing & then left me for the prettier, skinnier ex, to the one that told me i was heaven on earth & was going to marry me someday, then when i moved out of state, got sick of him hitting me and finally grew a pair to tell him it was over, told me how fat & ugly i was and how i was going to end up a worthless alcoholic like my father... it's been rough to say the least.
so when i met my husband, both when i was first too shy to even talk to him and then again the night we actually first spoke, i felt he was way out of my league (hence the inital shyness). i never thought i stood a chance. and here i am, a year and a half later, married to the most amazing man i've ever met in my life. and there's something odd that comes with that...
when we go out, i want girls to notice him. i want them to want him. but i want to see the disappointment on his face when they see him with ME. i want to be THAT girl that they're never going to get him from. i want guys to see me and want me, to have them turn their heads and watch me walk by and to see the disappointment on THEIR faces as they see me wrapped around his arm and his finger.
it's long and retarded, but it's an explanation that makes me terribly happy. haha. yay
the hubby & i are supposed to go to the NEX tonight for new outfits for his brothers graduation. so at this point i need to get up & get ready to head out there.
so i'm going back and forth between showering, blowdrying, straightening, applying & checking out the newest SGs, when some strange train of thought falls over me. i'm just going to the store. why am i wasting all my time doing this?!
i'm looking at myself in the mirror, watching the slow transformation from the girl that everyone sees everyday at work to the girl that i love to be. ME. and the reasons behind it are many, but they're more apparant over the following moments than ever before.
i've had insecurity problems my entire life. stemming mainly from boyfriends, ranging from those that swore i was amazing & then left me for the prettier, skinnier ex, to the one that told me i was heaven on earth & was going to marry me someday, then when i moved out of state, got sick of him hitting me and finally grew a pair to tell him it was over, told me how fat & ugly i was and how i was going to end up a worthless alcoholic like my father... it's been rough to say the least.
so when i met my husband, both when i was first too shy to even talk to him and then again the night we actually first spoke, i felt he was way out of my league (hence the inital shyness). i never thought i stood a chance. and here i am, a year and a half later, married to the most amazing man i've ever met in my life. and there's something odd that comes with that...
when we go out, i want girls to notice him. i want them to want him. but i want to see the disappointment on his face when they see him with ME. i want to be THAT girl that they're never going to get him from. i want guys to see me and want me, to have them turn their heads and watch me walk by and to see the disappointment on THEIR faces as they see me wrapped around his arm and his finger.
it's long and retarded, but it's an explanation that makes me terribly happy. haha. yay