More information that makes up who I am...
Went out to luch with my family and it just set the mood for the rest of my day.
I'm so different in comparison to my family. You know how the say daughters usually grow up to be like thier mom and on occasion they act more like thier father... Well I must be an anomaly or something beacuse I look at my parents and it's hard to believe I lived with them for 17 years. I don't share much with them and it just odd to be around my family. Today it almost felt like we were more like acquaintances...
I don't know what it was but I seem so hardend by my life which is odd because I was pretty privillaged most of it. Most people won't admit that they were privillage if they're trying to come off as a hard ass but I'm not even trying and some how that's just how I turned out.
Through my life though there have always been series of events that make up who I am.
As a kid up until high school I was a pretty goofy looken girl and everyone made a point of letting me know. I wasn't too much worse off then any other kid but I craved attention and love because of it. In jr high I required myself to always have a boyfriend to establish in the back of my head that yes I was beautiful.
Then I moved onto high school where the need for a constant boyfriend became less important to have a boyfriend because I was pretty much taken all of high school with my first true love for 3-4 years. It was a genuine relationship and I was sure we were to be married after high school. Although around the 3rd year it became apparent that I was no longer happy. The relationship became distant and I broke it off even though it hurt me to. We're still friends to this day and from there I moved on...
Out of high school I then ended up in another prolong relationship that was beautiful in the begining but after moving into a home which most would consider a flop house it became tiresome and true colors began to show. It really wore me down to be there...
After that realtionship went up in flames I met different people and took chances and in that messy part of my life I by chance (or fate) met my now husband. Our relationship is one that others evny and I love my life but like any relationship there's struggles.
California isn't an easy place to live especially in the recession. We still don't own our own place and we're living out of my in laws. It's not a bad deal really it's just the space that kills me. We're three people in one room, my husband is they the bread winner and I'm mostly a stay at home mom. I really do try to do what I can to help, I work one day out of the week and I've been tring to sell off my talents weather it'd be photography, photo editing, modeling or craft items. It's just a struggle though and I've been dealing with my weight and dental issues, it's just enough to drive a person mad.
Christmas has been really hard this year because the tattoo shop has had so many ups and downs. Which is another fustrating topic since the new owners don't want to make an effort to keep people coming in the door so my husband has been using money out of our pockets to advertise for the shop to get poeple in there.
It just sucks tho cuz we got every one gifts and my hubby was able to get what I wanted but I felt so guilty about it I just wanted to cry knowing that he might not be able to what he wanted in time for Christmas. He's completly fine with it but it still hurts me inside.
I just know we'll be ok, we just need to get throught these next couple of months. With Chirstmas, bills and our renewals for the health department to tattoo it's putting a strain on us. Tax season might not be so pretty either... Since we're self emploied we actually owe money insead of getting money back but our expenses are write off so we usually break even.
This coming year though, no more senceless spending, just saving!
I need to more space then sharing a house with my in laws.
Well to those of you who will actually take the time to read this thank you
Went out to luch with my family and it just set the mood for the rest of my day.
I'm so different in comparison to my family. You know how the say daughters usually grow up to be like thier mom and on occasion they act more like thier father... Well I must be an anomaly or something beacuse I look at my parents and it's hard to believe I lived with them for 17 years. I don't share much with them and it just odd to be around my family. Today it almost felt like we were more like acquaintances...
I don't know what it was but I seem so hardend by my life which is odd because I was pretty privillaged most of it. Most people won't admit that they were privillage if they're trying to come off as a hard ass but I'm not even trying and some how that's just how I turned out.
Through my life though there have always been series of events that make up who I am.
As a kid up until high school I was a pretty goofy looken girl and everyone made a point of letting me know. I wasn't too much worse off then any other kid but I craved attention and love because of it. In jr high I required myself to always have a boyfriend to establish in the back of my head that yes I was beautiful.
Then I moved onto high school where the need for a constant boyfriend became less important to have a boyfriend because I was pretty much taken all of high school with my first true love for 3-4 years. It was a genuine relationship and I was sure we were to be married after high school. Although around the 3rd year it became apparent that I was no longer happy. The relationship became distant and I broke it off even though it hurt me to. We're still friends to this day and from there I moved on...
Out of high school I then ended up in another prolong relationship that was beautiful in the begining but after moving into a home which most would consider a flop house it became tiresome and true colors began to show. It really wore me down to be there...
After that realtionship went up in flames I met different people and took chances and in that messy part of my life I by chance (or fate) met my now husband. Our relationship is one that others evny and I love my life but like any relationship there's struggles.
California isn't an easy place to live especially in the recession. We still don't own our own place and we're living out of my in laws. It's not a bad deal really it's just the space that kills me. We're three people in one room, my husband is they the bread winner and I'm mostly a stay at home mom. I really do try to do what I can to help, I work one day out of the week and I've been tring to sell off my talents weather it'd be photography, photo editing, modeling or craft items. It's just a struggle though and I've been dealing with my weight and dental issues, it's just enough to drive a person mad.
Christmas has been really hard this year because the tattoo shop has had so many ups and downs. Which is another fustrating topic since the new owners don't want to make an effort to keep people coming in the door so my husband has been using money out of our pockets to advertise for the shop to get poeple in there.
It just sucks tho cuz we got every one gifts and my hubby was able to get what I wanted but I felt so guilty about it I just wanted to cry knowing that he might not be able to what he wanted in time for Christmas. He's completly fine with it but it still hurts me inside.
I just know we'll be ok, we just need to get throught these next couple of months. With Chirstmas, bills and our renewals for the health department to tattoo it's putting a strain on us. Tax season might not be so pretty either... Since we're self emploied we actually owe money insead of getting money back but our expenses are write off so we usually break even.
This coming year though, no more senceless spending, just saving!
I need to more space then sharing a house with my in laws.
Well to those of you who will actually take the time to read this thank you
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
armeddarkknight:
What a bummer! Things will work out...they always do. <3
djh1976:
Things seem to work out in time...just have patience...I wish you a Merry Christmas...and a Happy New Year!