$19.99
In case you wanted to budget your budget it costs $19.99 to watch God create the universe, the Angels heavenly battle and Lucifer's fall, Jesus' birth, life, death and resurrection and eventual defeat of Satan-all in the Miracle Theater at 2046 Parkway in Pigeon Forge, TN.
Or you can go across the street to the Comedy Barn to see the best "family comedy" around. Apparently "family comedy" means playing the banjo cross eyed with your hat on sideways. Hilarity ensues from there.
I think it's safe to say that Pigeon Forge and the neighboring town of Gatlinberg are the scariest places I've ever been. It's like a low rent Branson, MO. Through both towns is a horrid strip of tacky neon carved into the beautiful foot of the Smokey Mountains. If Jim Nabors is now performing in Branson you can be sure that there's a Jim Nabors impersonator in Pigeon Forge. Gatlinburg was a long row of gift shops, gun stores, and chain restaurants. It's all Jesus T shirts, "Dukes of Hazzard" memorabilia (there's a museum there-no kidding), gun stores and Shoneys. My favorite Jesus shirts were "Jesus Get Er Done!" and "I Don't Need Regis Because Jesus Is My Final Answer". And I learned that Pigeon Forge's definition of "entertainment" was women with big hair and guys with horrid hair and mustaches in glittery shirts singing Robert Goulet and Elvis songs.
I wonder things from time to time: How was Billy Ray Cyrus ever a star? How was George Bush made president? How has "According to Jim" been on the air for 7 years now?
Well I've been to Pigeon Forge. Now I know.
I went to Pigeon Forge, of course, to go to Dollywood.
Dollywood is kinda like any other theme park. It has as many rides as Great Adventure or Bush Gardens. But it has a bunch of genuinely charming little touches like a real bluegrass band playing on "Dolly's Back Porch" and Dolly's family and friends entertaining with songs and stories daily. Everything was cheap, the food was good, and the real steam engine that takes you back up into the Smokeys is really beautiful. There was a pretty high cheese factor too, like the Country Music show that has more people in cowboy hats and glittery shirts singing everything from Patsy Cline to Kenny Chesney (or whatever the fuck that guys name is).
But walking around we came across a replica of the cabin Dolly grew up in and the Dolly museum. The cabin was the size of my ROOM (no kidding) and the fact that 11 (!) kids grew up in that place literally left me speechless. ("Mama always had one in her and one on her", said Dolly) And to look at the poverty that this woman came from and then to walk into the next room in the museum to see all the awards she's won and how far she's come was really touching. And looking over the handwritten lyrics to some of the incredible songs she's written was really something. But the best thing we saw was the ACTUAL Coat of Many Colors that inspired the song of the same name.
And to look at all of this-how this woman came from absolutely nothing to become a huge star, and yet retain a great sense of humor about herself -really did touch me. I went to Dollywood to laugh at it, but I came away with a different view entirely. And as I was walking out I found myself not counting Dukes of Hazzard T shirts anymore. I went into town thinking "These people are fat and stupid and they voted for George Bush and won't this be funny to look at them all in their natural habitat". But all of a sudden I didn't feel much like laughing at people anymore. If grown men and women want to watch "The Dukes of Hazzard "in 2006 and they feel that the way to get close to Jesus is to wear a T shirt with His name written in the Reeces Logo with the tag "Sweet Savior" underneath, who am I to judge? Hell, people laugh at New Jersey all the time and I just laugh at THEIR ignorance. So maybe I was the one missing something.
Well, I felt that way at least not until I saw a line outside Shoneys on the way back to the cabin. Then I laughed at everyone again.
In case you wanted to budget your budget it costs $19.99 to watch God create the universe, the Angels heavenly battle and Lucifer's fall, Jesus' birth, life, death and resurrection and eventual defeat of Satan-all in the Miracle Theater at 2046 Parkway in Pigeon Forge, TN.
Or you can go across the street to the Comedy Barn to see the best "family comedy" around. Apparently "family comedy" means playing the banjo cross eyed with your hat on sideways. Hilarity ensues from there.
I think it's safe to say that Pigeon Forge and the neighboring town of Gatlinberg are the scariest places I've ever been. It's like a low rent Branson, MO. Through both towns is a horrid strip of tacky neon carved into the beautiful foot of the Smokey Mountains. If Jim Nabors is now performing in Branson you can be sure that there's a Jim Nabors impersonator in Pigeon Forge. Gatlinburg was a long row of gift shops, gun stores, and chain restaurants. It's all Jesus T shirts, "Dukes of Hazzard" memorabilia (there's a museum there-no kidding), gun stores and Shoneys. My favorite Jesus shirts were "Jesus Get Er Done!" and "I Don't Need Regis Because Jesus Is My Final Answer". And I learned that Pigeon Forge's definition of "entertainment" was women with big hair and guys with horrid hair and mustaches in glittery shirts singing Robert Goulet and Elvis songs.
I wonder things from time to time: How was Billy Ray Cyrus ever a star? How was George Bush made president? How has "According to Jim" been on the air for 7 years now?
Well I've been to Pigeon Forge. Now I know.
I went to Pigeon Forge, of course, to go to Dollywood.
Dollywood is kinda like any other theme park. It has as many rides as Great Adventure or Bush Gardens. But it has a bunch of genuinely charming little touches like a real bluegrass band playing on "Dolly's Back Porch" and Dolly's family and friends entertaining with songs and stories daily. Everything was cheap, the food was good, and the real steam engine that takes you back up into the Smokeys is really beautiful. There was a pretty high cheese factor too, like the Country Music show that has more people in cowboy hats and glittery shirts singing everything from Patsy Cline to Kenny Chesney (or whatever the fuck that guys name is).
But walking around we came across a replica of the cabin Dolly grew up in and the Dolly museum. The cabin was the size of my ROOM (no kidding) and the fact that 11 (!) kids grew up in that place literally left me speechless. ("Mama always had one in her and one on her", said Dolly) And to look at the poverty that this woman came from and then to walk into the next room in the museum to see all the awards she's won and how far she's come was really touching. And looking over the handwritten lyrics to some of the incredible songs she's written was really something. But the best thing we saw was the ACTUAL Coat of Many Colors that inspired the song of the same name.
And to look at all of this-how this woman came from absolutely nothing to become a huge star, and yet retain a great sense of humor about herself -really did touch me. I went to Dollywood to laugh at it, but I came away with a different view entirely. And as I was walking out I found myself not counting Dukes of Hazzard T shirts anymore. I went into town thinking "These people are fat and stupid and they voted for George Bush and won't this be funny to look at them all in their natural habitat". But all of a sudden I didn't feel much like laughing at people anymore. If grown men and women want to watch "The Dukes of Hazzard "in 2006 and they feel that the way to get close to Jesus is to wear a T shirt with His name written in the Reeces Logo with the tag "Sweet Savior" underneath, who am I to judge? Hell, people laugh at New Jersey all the time and I just laugh at THEIR ignorance. So maybe I was the one missing something.
Well, I felt that way at least not until I saw a line outside Shoneys on the way back to the cabin. Then I laughed at everyone again.
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
k_kat:
Thanks for the sweet words. I guess I just think I used to be a better person long ago. Or maybe I'm confusing naiveness with kindness.
maxi:
You left me soooo many comments, thanks you sweetie, it came out just like i described, right?