becca_____

Okay, so I'm watching this soft core porn that's on TV, right? And all I can think about as I'm watching it is how grotesque the chick's fake tits are. Seriously. They looked fine from the front, but when she leans forward and you see them from the side they have this weird triangle indentation thing. I'm not explaining this well. I'm gonna try to draw a picture and show you.

Okay, here it is:


Fuck you, it's the best I could do on short notice. Anyway, picture the triangle as a major indentation and picture it in real life.

So yeah.

I think the best thing about softcore porn is that they're not really having sex. Sometimes they do a really good job of faking it, but other times the end result is just bizarre. Like when they're supposedly having sex, but his crotch is pressed against her knee. Unless she's got a gaping wound and they're reenacting a scene from Crash, that's just not doing it for anybody.

Or when she's moaning and groaning like mad, but their genitals are clearly about a foot away from each other. He must be an amazing kisser, I guess. I know I've never orgasmed from a makeout, but maybe that's just me.

The weirdest part, though, overall, was this scene where they're eating fruit, all sexy-like. Because for some reason they felt the need to put in sound effects. I get that maybe it's supposed to enhance it or whatever and make it seem more visceral, but really, bananas aren't supposed to crunch. Neither are mangos. There's just nothing sexy about unripe fruit.