What an emotional Monday.
I drove down to my mom's work (she works in the nursing home where my pop-pop is currently residing) to see my grandfather. I haven't seen him since he was in the hospital. He looks alot better, but I couldnt stay more than 10 minutes. I didn't know what to say to him. I hate nursing homes, and you'd think I'd be used to them by now since I spent so much time in them when I was younger, going to work with my mom and such...but back then I didn't know any better. Now I do. My mom knew I was getting upset. She said to me in the elevator "You better get used to this if you're going to be a social worker...you can't let this get to you." But it's different when it's your own fucking grandfather. It just reminds me of when my grandmother was in the nursing home and how miserable she was. This is my last grandparent, and it hurts to see him like this. I don't want to ever get old. All he wanted was a cigarette, and to go outside. I should've taken him for a wheel outside. I just wanted to get out of there. I feel so fucking selfish and sad. But I'm glad I went to see him, I know he appreciated it.
The first thing my mom said to me was "hello, skinny." Then she started talking about me starting to take ensure. Goddamn. Do I really look that bad?
Her boss even walked over to me with a little can of ensure and said "Here, your mom's worried about you." What the fuck.
And then I come home and go into my room, and start pulling shit off the walls...and I'm walking around and I'm looking...and there's just stuff everywhere. Everything is about him. Post it notes that say I love you, valentine's day cards. Hand drawn anime, postcards, pictures, drawings, doodles, "Christine <3's Justin Forever" written out in the sand. Seashells, stuffed animals, even an old pair of his sweatpants. I never realized how much I still had here.
Change hurts.
So much.
I miss my partner in crime.
Time to wash the smeared mascara off of my face because I have a dentist appt to go to.
Yep.
I drove down to my mom's work (she works in the nursing home where my pop-pop is currently residing) to see my grandfather. I haven't seen him since he was in the hospital. He looks alot better, but I couldnt stay more than 10 minutes. I didn't know what to say to him. I hate nursing homes, and you'd think I'd be used to them by now since I spent so much time in them when I was younger, going to work with my mom and such...but back then I didn't know any better. Now I do. My mom knew I was getting upset. She said to me in the elevator "You better get used to this if you're going to be a social worker...you can't let this get to you." But it's different when it's your own fucking grandfather. It just reminds me of when my grandmother was in the nursing home and how miserable she was. This is my last grandparent, and it hurts to see him like this. I don't want to ever get old. All he wanted was a cigarette, and to go outside. I should've taken him for a wheel outside. I just wanted to get out of there. I feel so fucking selfish and sad. But I'm glad I went to see him, I know he appreciated it.
The first thing my mom said to me was "hello, skinny." Then she started talking about me starting to take ensure. Goddamn. Do I really look that bad?
Her boss even walked over to me with a little can of ensure and said "Here, your mom's worried about you." What the fuck.
And then I come home and go into my room, and start pulling shit off the walls...and I'm walking around and I'm looking...and there's just stuff everywhere. Everything is about him. Post it notes that say I love you, valentine's day cards. Hand drawn anime, postcards, pictures, drawings, doodles, "Christine <3's Justin Forever" written out in the sand. Seashells, stuffed animals, even an old pair of his sweatpants. I never realized how much I still had here.
Change hurts.
So much.
I miss my partner in crime.
Time to wash the smeared mascara off of my face because I have a dentist appt to go to.
Yep.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
chai:
its my real name too 
therefore i asked
therefore i asked
chai:
yes, thats really cool..
