God...I'm f ucking exhausted.
But it's my own stupid fault.
Oh yeah, I wanted to be home by like 1:30 last night...I rolled in at 6 AM...heh. Kris and I were walking up the stairs while Ash was leaving to drive home for work. Three hours later, I was waking up, still drunk for work. 12 hours later, and here I am. 100$ richer, but damn tired, and mad sore.
Last night was fun tho, after a pointless night at work, I hung out with my girls at a friend's apartment and it was a nice change of scenery. Sometimes I really hate the bar scene, because I just don't want to be bothered by the drunk fucks..and I don't want to feel like I can't act like myself. Last night I did not give a fuck because I was around people that I felt comfortable with, and it was good times. Drinking is probably not the best way to distract myself, but sometimes it helps to just let loose.
I was hating life this morning though.
School is stressing me out already. Surprise, huh?
I found out that the shelter that I was interning at last year, and was supposed to be interning at this year, is most likely going to be shut down.
Either that or they're going to make some serious cut-backs. Fucking A. Apparently there's a new plan to try to de-institutionalize children who are being taken out of their homes because of unhealthy living conditions or abuse/neglect. Instead of sending them to a group home, like the place that I was working at, they're going to just send them to temporary foster homes until a more permanent foster residence is set up. How fucking sad. The shelter that I worked at was fucking amazing. It was not like an institution at all, at least I didn't think so. And how can you be so sure that the children aren't going to be abused/neglected by their foster parents too? There's always a very good chance of that happening. Social services is really going down the shitter, right alongside our economy. It really makes me sad, and now I'm going to have to find a new place to intern at...grr. I wish I had known about this before. I have about 2 weeks to find a new internship.
On an unrelated subject, my mom is awesome. She went shopping and bought us alot of stuff in bulk that we needed, like TP, paper towels, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, etc. She also sent me $250 to go shopping or to put towards books, whatever. What a nice surprise. She's been really super supportive the past few months, I think because she realizes how hard things have been for me lately.
I miss my best friend. I hate feeling like I'm a stranger to you anymore. I hate the nervous tension over the phone.
I also hate that I feel like everyone I've ever really cared about is so far away from me now, like they're never coming home. Like I'll never see them again.
I know that life works in very mysterious ways, and fate comes into play when you least expect it...but I hate waiting around...I hate not knowing what the next day will bring. I need a sense of comfort, and stability. I'm hoping that once I get back into the normal routine of things, that that'll happen. I miss the feeling of utter contentment. Sometimes I wake up and feel like I've lost my complete grip on my life. It'll come back to me though eventually. I just need to accept that things have changed, permanently. I just need to accept that things will never be what they were, and that you won't be walking through my door at night anymore.
I'm saving up for my next tattoo. I'm hoping to get it before Christmas. I'm itching for new ink.
Being single is rough. What is the point of getting someone's number if you never plan to call? I hate games.
I enjoy that my schedule allows me to have no classes on mondays or wednesdays. At least I have a few days a week to just do my thing, and keep my head clear. Days for me.
I'll eventually get to those canvases and paint. I'm waiting for the inspiration to hit me....
Sweet dreams. I need some serious sleep tonight.
xox.
But it's my own stupid fault.
Oh yeah, I wanted to be home by like 1:30 last night...I rolled in at 6 AM...heh. Kris and I were walking up the stairs while Ash was leaving to drive home for work. Three hours later, I was waking up, still drunk for work. 12 hours later, and here I am. 100$ richer, but damn tired, and mad sore.
Last night was fun tho, after a pointless night at work, I hung out with my girls at a friend's apartment and it was a nice change of scenery. Sometimes I really hate the bar scene, because I just don't want to be bothered by the drunk fucks..and I don't want to feel like I can't act like myself. Last night I did not give a fuck because I was around people that I felt comfortable with, and it was good times. Drinking is probably not the best way to distract myself, but sometimes it helps to just let loose.
I was hating life this morning though.
School is stressing me out already. Surprise, huh?
I found out that the shelter that I was interning at last year, and was supposed to be interning at this year, is most likely going to be shut down.
Either that or they're going to make some serious cut-backs. Fucking A. Apparently there's a new plan to try to de-institutionalize children who are being taken out of their homes because of unhealthy living conditions or abuse/neglect. Instead of sending them to a group home, like the place that I was working at, they're going to just send them to temporary foster homes until a more permanent foster residence is set up. How fucking sad. The shelter that I worked at was fucking amazing. It was not like an institution at all, at least I didn't think so. And how can you be so sure that the children aren't going to be abused/neglected by their foster parents too? There's always a very good chance of that happening. Social services is really going down the shitter, right alongside our economy. It really makes me sad, and now I'm going to have to find a new place to intern at...grr. I wish I had known about this before. I have about 2 weeks to find a new internship.
On an unrelated subject, my mom is awesome. She went shopping and bought us alot of stuff in bulk that we needed, like TP, paper towels, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, etc. She also sent me $250 to go shopping or to put towards books, whatever. What a nice surprise. She's been really super supportive the past few months, I think because she realizes how hard things have been for me lately.
I miss my best friend. I hate feeling like I'm a stranger to you anymore. I hate the nervous tension over the phone.
I also hate that I feel like everyone I've ever really cared about is so far away from me now, like they're never coming home. Like I'll never see them again.
I know that life works in very mysterious ways, and fate comes into play when you least expect it...but I hate waiting around...I hate not knowing what the next day will bring. I need a sense of comfort, and stability. I'm hoping that once I get back into the normal routine of things, that that'll happen. I miss the feeling of utter contentment. Sometimes I wake up and feel like I've lost my complete grip on my life. It'll come back to me though eventually. I just need to accept that things have changed, permanently. I just need to accept that things will never be what they were, and that you won't be walking through my door at night anymore.
I'm saving up for my next tattoo. I'm hoping to get it before Christmas. I'm itching for new ink.
Being single is rough. What is the point of getting someone's number if you never plan to call? I hate games.
I enjoy that my schedule allows me to have no classes on mondays or wednesdays. At least I have a few days a week to just do my thing, and keep my head clear. Days for me.
I'll eventually get to those canvases and paint. I'm waiting for the inspiration to hit me....
Sweet dreams. I need some serious sleep tonight.
xox.