beautifulxalone

My girls have been back since last night, and I really couldn't be happier...when I'm around them they make me feel like nothing could go wrong, and even if it does..."It's fine."

I realize that alot of things are bringing me down lately. Weighing heavily in my head and heart. I'm feeling the pressure of the impending year already... I'm scared to death. Scared to finish college...scared to leave this bubble that I've so perfectly crafted around myself for the past three years...with my friends, and my job, and my school, and getting drunk and having fun, and laughing and crying and screaming in pain. I'm not ready to move on yet. Can't we stop the clock and just let time sit for a little bit?

So much has changed in the past six months, it makes my head spin. I lost a best friend, but gained two girls that will have forever changed my life (for the better). I've had events in my family life that have made me appreciate my own life, and realize how lucky I am to have these people constantly supporting me and loving me no matter what I do.


I realized for the first time in a long time that things will change, and people do change. I've also starting learning how to not always blame myself, and to compromise. I learned what it felt like to really hurt. To really feel loneliness, and sadness. I also learned what it felt like to meet someone new, and to let them in the tall walls that I had carefully crafted around myself for the past few years. I learned that trust and communication are two of the most important things in a relationship, and love does not always save you.


It's okay to cry, okay to scream; okay to say how you feel. I find myself biting my tongue alot, but I've started to unclench my jaw just a little. I've recognized my own bad habits instead of focusing on other's...and I've been made aware that most of those bad habits contribute to my self-demeanor..


Vices are called vices for a reason.


I learned that sometimes infatuation hurts more than real love. I've found that I'm too quick to get hopeful, too quick to fall, too quick to latch onto temporary happiness... Sometimes I'm too quick to judge, too quick to accuse, too quick to misunderstand.


I've decided to take up painting. I'm going to buy acrylics and canvases tomorrow. I'm excited. I haven't painted in years, and never really got to paint anything more than still-life's or whatever...I need some new things to fill up my walls with...

I was so bored at work tonight...




that's what I want my next tatt to be. my A6 tatt.




"love is for suckers"


I really hate when my CD's skip on my favorite songs.


I wish I always knew that before I went to bed, that someone was somewhere thinking of me.


xox.



Edited to Add:

I used to hate Avril, but this song gets to me for some reason. Shut up. That Kelly Clarkson one rings true too. Sometimes it's good to hear your own feelings screaming out of the speakers, and from someone else's mouth.

---


I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.


--Nobody's Home