Man.
I haven't left the house all day...I need to soon. I'm going a little stir-crazy. I was supposed to go to the beach with my mom this morning, but at 10 AM when I woke up, it was pouring rain....so I called her and told her I wasn't coming. Maybe next week...I also expected to be seeing Justin tonight, but I won't be seeing him for awhile.
Shit really hit the fan last night, and I've been crying all day. The old saying stands true...you don't know what you've got til it's gone. I don't want to lose my best friend, I don't want to lose everything that I've known for the past 2.5 years. I don't want to lose the person that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Love is cruel and unkind...but it teaches you many, many things about yourself and other people. I know I'm not perfect, I know he isn't either...I know that he has alot of shit in his life going on right now that he needs to deal with. Another cliche for you: if it's meant to be, it'll be. But I stand behind that one as well.
I hate feeling dependent on someone. I hate feeling defeated. I hate feeling as if every decision I've made has fucked things up...and I do feel that way. I know it's not all completely true, but it's difficult not to say to yourself "If only I......."
This summer has been nothing but an eye-opening experience for me, and I can't wait for it to be over. I've had alot of fun, and met alot of people...but I'm tired. I'm tired of being burnt out, broke, tired, hungry, sick, lazy. I need to get my life back on track. I need to quit smoking, I need to quit drinking 4x a week. This is my last year in college, and my most important year. I can't let the bullshit weigh me down. I only want positive things in my life.
Every day that goes by, I get rid of another ghost that's haunting me. I'm tired of dwelling on the past.
I know that the way things played out last nite were not the way they should have...I wanted to talk to him in person, not scream and curse and cry to him on the phone. I was drunk and belligerant, and I realize that...But too much had gotten bottled up, and I exploded.
I'm sorry.
I wish I had motivation to do any of those things that I listed above. But I don't. I need to find some.
I wish I wasn't an emotional basketcase right now.
I haven't left the house all day...I need to soon. I'm going a little stir-crazy. I was supposed to go to the beach with my mom this morning, but at 10 AM when I woke up, it was pouring rain....so I called her and told her I wasn't coming. Maybe next week...I also expected to be seeing Justin tonight, but I won't be seeing him for awhile.
Shit really hit the fan last night, and I've been crying all day. The old saying stands true...you don't know what you've got til it's gone. I don't want to lose my best friend, I don't want to lose everything that I've known for the past 2.5 years. I don't want to lose the person that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Love is cruel and unkind...but it teaches you many, many things about yourself and other people. I know I'm not perfect, I know he isn't either...I know that he has alot of shit in his life going on right now that he needs to deal with. Another cliche for you: if it's meant to be, it'll be. But I stand behind that one as well.
I hate feeling dependent on someone. I hate feeling defeated. I hate feeling as if every decision I've made has fucked things up...and I do feel that way. I know it's not all completely true, but it's difficult not to say to yourself "If only I......."
This summer has been nothing but an eye-opening experience for me, and I can't wait for it to be over. I've had alot of fun, and met alot of people...but I'm tired. I'm tired of being burnt out, broke, tired, hungry, sick, lazy. I need to get my life back on track. I need to quit smoking, I need to quit drinking 4x a week. This is my last year in college, and my most important year. I can't let the bullshit weigh me down. I only want positive things in my life.
Every day that goes by, I get rid of another ghost that's haunting me. I'm tired of dwelling on the past.
I know that the way things played out last nite were not the way they should have...I wanted to talk to him in person, not scream and curse and cry to him on the phone. I was drunk and belligerant, and I realize that...But too much had gotten bottled up, and I exploded.
I'm sorry.
I wish I had motivation to do any of those things that I listed above. But I don't. I need to find some.
I wish I wasn't an emotional basketcase right now.
I hope all works out well with your boy. I don't know what to tell you for motivation. Motivation is hard to get...but once you get it...it's good.
Take Care!
and yeah. motivation is hard to gain. but once you get it, its usually easy to follow through with things. so just keep trying and im sure things will work out for you