i'm so fucking overwhelmed right now i dont know whether to cry or scream.
our electric bill is 200$. i'm stressing about money. and when i mentioned something to paul about leaving his shit on all the time, like the space heater for 8 fucking hours while he's at work. he started getting in my face. goddamn defensive. he says it's not him, but then as soon as he leaves, i realize that he left all of his lights and his music on. what the fuck. electricity is NOT FREE.
i hate hate hate stressing about money.
i hate this time of year for this fucking reason.
i hate feeling as tho i'm not going to add up.
i have the stress of this paper on my fucking shoulders, like every free second of my life is going to be spent writing it.
and i have to go to court to fucking fight this ticket on monday, i've been trying to get it rescheduled for fucking ever, but they never answer the phones.
and now i'm working tomorrow morning as well which would've been my only chance to go to the court and try to figure shit out.
and then i call justin to talk to him bkz i havent talked to him all day, and we end up getting in the stupidest fucking fight ever, about NOTHING. and then he tells me that all he wanted to do was come over and see me bkz he had a shitty day.
well i'm having a fucking shitty life right now.
today is also the ONE YEAR annivesary of the suicide of my friend pat. i had travis txt me the most depressing txt in the world saying "somehow i dont feel sad today ... i just feel the same as always. lost. i suppose the only thing a year means is i can put a measurement to my loss <3"
travis was pat's best friend. my best friend was his ex girlfriend. what the fuck do i say to that? and here i am dealing with the fact that a whole year has passed since this all happened, and the memories just come flooding in.
so much fucking pressure on me right now. to do well in school, to please my parents, to please him, to keep the house in order bkz i seem to be the only one who cares, to deal with the court bullshit, since i took responsibility for that.
i wish that i could fucking go out to the bar tonite and get fucking drunk and not have to worry about a 9 AM class, and not have to stress about work or school or worry about anyone other than MYSELF. why cant i fucking be selfish for once? i would love that.
okay, back to writing.
our electric bill is 200$. i'm stressing about money. and when i mentioned something to paul about leaving his shit on all the time, like the space heater for 8 fucking hours while he's at work. he started getting in my face. goddamn defensive. he says it's not him, but then as soon as he leaves, i realize that he left all of his lights and his music on. what the fuck. electricity is NOT FREE.
i hate hate hate stressing about money.
i hate this time of year for this fucking reason.
i hate feeling as tho i'm not going to add up.
i have the stress of this paper on my fucking shoulders, like every free second of my life is going to be spent writing it.
and i have to go to court to fucking fight this ticket on monday, i've been trying to get it rescheduled for fucking ever, but they never answer the phones.
and now i'm working tomorrow morning as well which would've been my only chance to go to the court and try to figure shit out.
and then i call justin to talk to him bkz i havent talked to him all day, and we end up getting in the stupidest fucking fight ever, about NOTHING. and then he tells me that all he wanted to do was come over and see me bkz he had a shitty day.
well i'm having a fucking shitty life right now.
today is also the ONE YEAR annivesary of the suicide of my friend pat. i had travis txt me the most depressing txt in the world saying "somehow i dont feel sad today ... i just feel the same as always. lost. i suppose the only thing a year means is i can put a measurement to my loss <3"
travis was pat's best friend. my best friend was his ex girlfriend. what the fuck do i say to that? and here i am dealing with the fact that a whole year has passed since this all happened, and the memories just come flooding in.
so much fucking pressure on me right now. to do well in school, to please my parents, to please him, to keep the house in order bkz i seem to be the only one who cares, to deal with the court bullshit, since i took responsibility for that.
i wish that i could fucking go out to the bar tonite and get fucking drunk and not have to worry about a 9 AM class, and not have to stress about work or school or worry about anyone other than MYSELF. why cant i fucking be selfish for once? i would love that.
okay, back to writing.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
We've been shutting off everything except the bedroom heater. It's getting so cold! @_@
I wish i could just wave a magic wand and fix it all for you.. sheesh!
I would go to court, if you have to work, show them the court notice., by law they should let you either leave early or give you the day off..
The papaer thatw ill get done adventually, it wont be forever
"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. " -Steve Martin
xoxo
-Maliki