"The Master acts without doing anything, and teaches without saying anything. Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn't possess, acts but doesn't expect. When her work is done, she forgets it. That is why it lasts forever." - Tao Te Ching
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My world has seemed to crumble in the last week or two. Money troubles. Boy troubles. Health issues. I have been in a load of pain since Monday and surgery may be in my future. Now I just have to sit and wait, rest, and wait, and wait and wait and...
Doesn't everyone realize how fucking IMPATIENT I am? I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I am taking a mini leave of absence from work which sucks...I was afraid that I would even lose my job, but my supervisor had nothing but great things to say and that she was "in it to win it" with me, and that I got a lot of recognition in staff meeting this week (which I missed because I was a zombie and was told to not go to work), for all of the hard work that I've been doing. So that made me feel a lot better but also made me sad, because I should be working. This "rest" time is not what I fucking want. I don't want to be "resting". I want to be doing. Anyway, maybe I should look at it like a mini-vacation since I probably won't be getting a real one of those for a few months...too bad I feel too shitty to actually leave my bed and shouldn't really be driving anywhere.
Whatever. Enough bitching about things that are out of my control. It could be worse, and I'll leave it at that.
As for everything else, it is what it is. Money was stolen from me, but hopefully I'll get it back. The boy and I have been having some rocky times, but even though he has a hard time caring for people, the little things that he does shows me that he cares. It was tough not being around him for a week or so, but it was also good to have some space at the same time. I guess sometimes I am still filled with a lot of doubt, but I try to push those thoughts to the back of my head and take every day for what it's worth. It may sound cheesy, but I know why I am here, so that's all that matters.
More waiting. Patience is always being tested, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. It will just end up making me stronger, right?
Someone send me some love, in care package form. Or like, a hug. Hugs are pretty awesome too.
xox.
---
My world has seemed to crumble in the last week or two. Money troubles. Boy troubles. Health issues. I have been in a load of pain since Monday and surgery may be in my future. Now I just have to sit and wait, rest, and wait, and wait and wait and...
Doesn't everyone realize how fucking IMPATIENT I am? I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I am taking a mini leave of absence from work which sucks...I was afraid that I would even lose my job, but my supervisor had nothing but great things to say and that she was "in it to win it" with me, and that I got a lot of recognition in staff meeting this week (which I missed because I was a zombie and was told to not go to work), for all of the hard work that I've been doing. So that made me feel a lot better but also made me sad, because I should be working. This "rest" time is not what I fucking want. I don't want to be "resting". I want to be doing. Anyway, maybe I should look at it like a mini-vacation since I probably won't be getting a real one of those for a few months...too bad I feel too shitty to actually leave my bed and shouldn't really be driving anywhere.
Whatever. Enough bitching about things that are out of my control. It could be worse, and I'll leave it at that.
As for everything else, it is what it is. Money was stolen from me, but hopefully I'll get it back. The boy and I have been having some rocky times, but even though he has a hard time caring for people, the little things that he does shows me that he cares. It was tough not being around him for a week or so, but it was also good to have some space at the same time. I guess sometimes I am still filled with a lot of doubt, but I try to push those thoughts to the back of my head and take every day for what it's worth. It may sound cheesy, but I know why I am here, so that's all that matters.
More waiting. Patience is always being tested, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. It will just end up making me stronger, right?
Someone send me some love, in care package form. Or like, a hug. Hugs are pretty awesome too.
xox.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
kraven:
Well u can certainly hear all my stories hahahah! This ink is taking forever... and I knew it would but damnnnnnnnn hahahh, I cant take much more in the pain deparment!
kraven:
What have you been up to lovely dear??