In light of my first set going into Member Review TODAY, I'm going to do a double @bloghomework for @missy, @lyxzen, @rambo, and all of you! First, I want to answer: What made you feel good this week?
This week has had many ups and downs, and sometimes it can get really hard to focus on the good when a lot of bad is happening as well. I'm glad this was a Blog Homework topic, because it felt good to take a few deep breaths and think about lucky I can be, even though I don't always see it. But, on to the good things that happened, and really all of it has to do with SG!
I haven't finalized every detail, but I started getting my shit together for my Chicago Birthday Weekend! I have my work scheduled around it and my tickets back home, so all I have to do is try and find a reasonably priced plane/bus/train ticket up there, where I'll be staying, and get my tickets for the Black Heart Burlesque tour! And I'll be shooting with the awesome @sobelle, and I'm so fucking excited! Also, BHB added a show in Lawrence, KS, and it's the closest to KC, so I'm thinking I'll have to stop by both shows, because why not? I also got some more work done on my thigh piece, so after one more session my gasmask will be finished!
I also finally got an instax camera, so I'll be taking a lot of pictures with that to hopefully sell to help with some loose ends of my Chicago trip.
And of course, my first set Old School goes live tonight! Which brings me to part two of this blog and some Blog Homework: What inspired you to become a SuicideGirl [Hopeful]?
I first learned about SG when I was in high school, and I felt drawn to the community the first time I learned about what it was all about. I was always the weird girl, the ugly girl, the different girl. This community was filled with girls that I wanted to look like, that inspired me to not give a fuck what about the thoughts of anyones but my own. Unfortunately, I was never able to join the community, because I wasn't able to get a new bank account in my college town and my mom somehow got access to my account and watched it like a hawk. There was no way I was able to get around to joining the website until I became a hopeful. I was so excited the day I applied, and even more so when I got the email saying I was accepted! I've always told myself that if I were to ever be nude on the internet, it would be my choice and for SG. I knew that once I reached the point to send in my application, I would be at the point in my life where I was finally doing me for me. I have the confidence in myself to put my body and my life in front of everyone to fully see. I was stoked to finally start my journey, but then I ran into a problem: the photographer friend of mine who claimed to be super excited to shoot me, backed out. She told me to find someone new, and I was devastated. At this point, I was already feeling down on my luck because I had barely any money, so I couldn't hire a new person. I was able to get ahold of another friend of mine and we shot a set, but the next day she told me she wasn't comfortable having her name associated with nude photos, even if they weren't of her. It wasn't until six months ago that I was able to find another friend who could work it in to her schedule. There are a few things I wish were different about this set that I never saw until I got the final copies back, but I am still proud of my first set. It taught me a lot about what to do for future sets, and it can only get better from here! I love constructive criticism, but please be kind (; (which I honestly don't think is a problem with this community!) And for being so awesome, I'll give you a little preview of what's to come in Old School!
I may have lost some people I thought would be there for my whole life on this journey, but it's taught me so much about myself and how much better my life is without anyone like that in my life. You can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy, and that's the only person you need to focus on. It does make me sad that there are so many awesome job opportunities at SGHQ that I'm qualified for, but can't apply for because I live in the middle of the country. I'm hoping that someday I'll be able to take my talents out that way, but I'm glad for the chance I have to be a Hopeful. It sucks that I couldn't have been apart of this community earlier, but I'm ecstatic that I'm here.
xoxo, Beats
PS- I just submitted a new set that's still pending review, so fingers crossed that I'll have a new set hitting MR in just a few short months!