Hello again, lovelies. I hate that I've been gone so long, but I had some issues to deal with. Just know that I'm not going anywhere, because this is something I have wanted for a long time and am super excited to be doing. It doesn't matter what your personal opinion is of me as a person, because I know who I am. One of the worst feelings is losing someone who isn't even gone, but refuses to acknowledge you because your life goals aren't what they wanted for you. Why people have to "have their lives ruined" because of a decision that literally doesn't effect them is something I'll never understand, but that's life. My support system is amazing and my job is great and I have a kick ass boyfriend who has supported every step of the way on this journey that helped me get out of a terrible depression. I never went after my dreams of being a Hopeful sooner because I never had the confidence in myself, and finally after discussing things with the person who it would effect the most (my boyfriend), I went for it. I understand everyone thinks "OHMYGLOB YOUR NAKED ON THE INTERNET YOU MUST GET NO ATTENTION", but fucking stop. I love it when I realize people are looking at my posts, but I don't find it to be the end of the world if you don't. And, if you haven't noticed being alive in 2015: men and women have nipples, and some dudes have boobs (not judging, shit happens, keep doin' you boo). If you've noticed, it's 1. not a big deal anymore, 2. it's not porn since pictures of that nature do not go in a photoshoot (and I'm not interested in doing porn so why would I put porn up on the internet???), 3. everything I have associated my naked body with has been tasteful. My job knows, and thought it was actually kind of funny I thought they would make a big deal out of it. I want to help my photographer friends, and hopefully start taking photos of girls myself, and take awesome looking pictures and hopefully become Pink in the process or find myself in a position at SGHQ. I wish I was able to figure out my plan for telling my whole family before someone screen-shotted my page and sent it to them, but I should have known I wouldn't have been granted that luxury. I learned pretty quickly I'd always be a disappointment to my family, but I at least wanted to tell everyone myself and in person.
But, just know, when you come screaming at someone without giving them a chance to explain ANYTHING, you can't be upset I don't want you in my life anymore. I'll forgive you, because that's what I believe in. But it will never be forgotten, and it just gives me that much more motivation when I get a flashback.
I never thought my life would fit perfectly with a Taylor Swift song, but hey, shit happens.
I've been working a fuck-ton lately (thankfully, at least) and have been caught up in the moving process and I still don't have a battery for my laptop, but since my desk is set up again I'm hoping to knock out some old blog homeworks later! I actually felt like I was getting the hang of blogging more and more and than I got so caught up with everything, I just had to lay low. But, in a month and a week (I think maybe just a month tomorrow?!), my debut set Old School will finally hit MR! I'm SUPER excited (;
xoxo,
Beats
