Of course it's my luck to write a blog post talking about how I'm going to try blogging a lot more, and end up not blogging. Whoopsies. But anyways, I have a little bit of an internet connection on my laptop, so let's get on with this weeks @bloghomework from @missy , @rambo , and @lyxzen , shall we? What are you afraid of?
Oh boy. Of course there are some simple ones, like spiders and walking down a dark alley by myself at night and falling from large heights. But I also have a couple that some people find kind of weird, like hangings and ferris wheels and driving behind open-bed trucks/cars with anything attached to the outside. I'm also the type of person who imagines the type of pain people go through when I read or hear about an incident, which freezes me in a little space of fear of the same happening to me and having to experience that pain. It's very weird, but I like to think that it helps with me trying to put myself in every situation to realize what other people have to experience to be as open minded as I can be.
For a little more background info on my other small fears: I have a hole in my leg from a spider bite that got infected with Staph in college, but my gasmask tattoo also has it covered up, and that's just the one incident with them. Sadly number two is something I have to be used to in 2015, but it is. Although I love rollercoasters and want to sky dive, the thought of falling unsafely and hurting or killing myself is just terrifying. I can't imagine what it would be like to be hung and not die, because of course I want to go as painlessly as possible, and literally hanging around waiting to die is just... ugh. I hate ferris wheels because I'm afraid of getting stuck at the top and not being able to get down. And this one time, a huge fucking grill flew off the back of a truck as my boyfriend and I were leaving a Chiefs game; thankfully no one was behind me when we had to make a sudden stop on the middle of a four lane highway.
But, I also have some other fears that I don't really like to mention, because I believe every one has the exact same fears, and none of us really want to talk about them. I fear failure and not being proud of myself. I'm thankful to be at a point where I'm starting to love myself again, with getting a new job and finally getting my set in and finally getting to be a part of this community and how great my friends are and etc., etc., etc. But I know I'll never make some people in my life proud, and I find that being the hardest thing to deal with. But, it's not something I need to dwell on. It took me years to gain the confidence in myself to start on this journey to become Pink, so I'm not going to let the thought of disappointing anyone besides myself bring me down.
I will cry and scream and hide if I see a spider, no matter the size, but telling me things I "can't" do will make me work that much harder for it. Sometimes fear can be the best motivator.
Also: fuck porcelain dolls. Those motherfuckers are way to creepy 😟
xoxo, Beats
