so, next time i have so money, i want to go buy this:
and possibly this:
where they will then go promptly in a drawer where i will take them out from time to time and look at them longingly because lately all the action i've been getting is this:
but one day, that special boy will come along and say, "you know, i really wish i had some fine leather restraints to bind you up and have my way with you," and i will say, "wish no longer!!!"
and we will all fuck happily ever after. until then, i will consider it an investment in my future.

and possibly this:

where they will then go promptly in a drawer where i will take them out from time to time and look at them longingly because lately all the action i've been getting is this:

but one day, that special boy will come along and say, "you know, i really wish i had some fine leather restraints to bind you up and have my way with you," and i will say, "wish no longer!!!"
and we will all fuck happily ever after. until then, i will consider it an investment in my future.
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I should really go back to graduate school.
I found a use for my undergrad degree: getting a call from a friend who has a co-worker who needed some clarification on the difference between fascism and Naziism.
Go me.