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bean

Los Angeles

Member Since 2003

Followers 393 Following 315

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Friday Jun 20, 2003

Jun 20, 2003
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Hey, if you're on a mac, go check this out.

Random question:
Tell me something about yourself that might surprise people who know you...a guilty pleasure or odd fact. I'll start: I like the Disney tv show, "Kim Possible." I'm not sure why, since it represents everything I hated about high school and everything I hate about pop culture, but it's true. There, I've said it. I'd confess one of my guilty sexual pleasures, but I don't actually feel guilty about any of them, and I don't think they'd surprise anyone who's talked to me on here for any length of time.

Okay, your turn.

----------------------------

I'm so glad I'm moving to Long Beach. So glad I'm finally getting out of this one-horse town. I live in Santa Ana, but I don't live in Santa Ana. I grew up in Orange, and I spend most of my time there still, as that's where I work, and where most of my friends live. Orange, the antique kitsch capital of the west. Orange, the small town in the midst of sprawling suburbia. Blech. I loathe and despise this place. I feel like Agent Smith in The Matrix:

"I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it anymore. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I can taste your stink, and every time I do, I fear I've somehow been contaminated by it."

...only it's not at all a zoo (although there used to be a great little punk rock coffee shop called The Zoo that was long ago replace by...you guessed it...an antique store), and it's about as far from reality as you can get outside of the magic fucking kingdom.

I hope it's not too late. I hope that I haven't been forever contaminated by the endless supply of cow-patterned wooden lawn ornaments, the 50's neon gas station signage, and (shudder) the Old Towne Preservation Association. The OTPA needs to read my last entry about impermanence. It's the past...fucking let it go already.

It's no wonder all the cool little record shops and goth fashion boutiques packed up and skipped town a decade ago. I should've taken the hint and flown the coop right along with them. I can only urge the teenage homeless gutterpunks I run into everyday to get the fuck out while they're still free enough to do so.

I'm in a strange mood. I'm feeling bitter and defeated and yet strangely optimistic that I might still be able to find my voice and the courage to speak with it. I'm not particularly thrilled about where my life is at right now, and I have no clue where my life is going, but I'm happy with who I am and I feel like my options are more open than ever, and that feels good.

---------------------------------------

update: I'm in a better mood now, at least for awhile. Getting friendly posts from nice people in my journal makes me happy. Thanks magenta.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
gekkeiju23:
random facts-
I sometimes get that not-so-fresh-feeling.
I once killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.
I had a mullet when I was 8.

I dig you, Bean. yer alright by me. Best of luck to you!
Jun 22, 2003
epiphany:
Just stopping by to say hi! Sounds like you're a little down but this will pass...already on your update you are back on the ups! Chin up because we're all rooting for you..you're moving...new town, new place, new leaf! Yay! Options are good...skies the limit......Give me a "B", give me a "E", give me an "A", give me an "N" what does that spell??? BEAN!!!!!.........gooooo Bean!!!! [*as I do highschool cheerleader jumps*]

Jun 22, 2003

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