Look out, world. Photoshop is coming to this computer soon, which means my mini-comic will be e-published in (semi) regular installments and coming to a website near you.
The running title is, "If I had the sack." All the stories that could have been, but never were. i.e.:
i)Co-worker at my two week "Sticker-Bitch" stint starts his pick up line with, "I'm married, but..." I should have bitch slapped him across the face and said, "Are you trying to make me your mistress?!" (For comedic purposes only, of course.) The man is actually quite charming and lovely, but the bitch slap scenario would have been comedic genius of the highest brow.
ii)Somebody who's trying to get me to divulge the serial number of our copy machine over the telephone calls me a "dumb bitch"... twice. I should have said, "Listen here, Fucko, I might be a bitch, but I am NOT dumb" and proceded to verbally rip him a new one before he hung up on me.
iii) Janey and I are driving in the deep Chicago Southside when two kids yell, "Hey! You' on the wrong side of town!" If I had the sack-- and the hilarious wit that comes with hindsight-- I would have stuck my head out the window and replied, "Naw, Man. We are here to gentrify you, nigga!'"
If I had the sack
or
Thank God I didn't...
In other news,
please celebrate the arrival of the man who told me to bring a paper bag to school to wear over my head when I came home with headgear damnit
the man who threw a football at my face when I was a helpless larva of a be'elzebe, the man who taught me how to drink tequila like a sailor inorder to thwart influenza, the one and only BB.
[edit: apparently the headgear picture is busted. I will fix it right after emergency dodgeball session.]
[edit: there's your damn headgear. Mine was a little more terrifying. More bionic woman-esque. /begin{rant} I swear, Orthodontia is the last legal form of child abuse. But at least they fixed my godawful teeth and now somebody will marry me. /end{rant}]
The running title is, "If I had the sack." All the stories that could have been, but never were. i.e.:
i)Co-worker at my two week "Sticker-Bitch" stint starts his pick up line with, "I'm married, but..." I should have bitch slapped him across the face and said, "Are you trying to make me your mistress?!" (For comedic purposes only, of course.) The man is actually quite charming and lovely, but the bitch slap scenario would have been comedic genius of the highest brow.
ii)Somebody who's trying to get me to divulge the serial number of our copy machine over the telephone calls me a "dumb bitch"... twice. I should have said, "Listen here, Fucko, I might be a bitch, but I am NOT dumb" and proceded to verbally rip him a new one before he hung up on me.
iii) Janey and I are driving in the deep Chicago Southside when two kids yell, "Hey! You' on the wrong side of town!" If I had the sack-- and the hilarious wit that comes with hindsight-- I would have stuck my head out the window and replied, "Naw, Man. We are here to gentrify you, nigga!'"
If I had the sack
or
Thank God I didn't...
In other news,
please celebrate the arrival of the man who told me to bring a paper bag to school to wear over my head when I came home with headgear damnit
the man who threw a football at my face when I was a helpless larva of a be'elzebe, the man who taught me how to drink tequila like a sailor inorder to thwart influenza, the one and only BB.
[edit: apparently the headgear picture is busted. I will fix it right after emergency dodgeball session.]
[edit: there's your damn headgear. Mine was a little more terrifying. More bionic woman-esque. /begin{rant} I swear, Orthodontia is the last legal form of child abuse. But at least they fixed my godawful teeth and now somebody will marry me. /end{rant}]
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but today doesn't exactly "suck." it was just overwhelmingly awkward this morning.
so what's in store for me tomorrow?