bdiddy

Update for all of the people who read this blog which is no one. I got enrolled in school, turns out it isn't a bladder infection but something is wrong with my bowels, work still sucks and the the legislature has not decided if there will be a government shutdown yet. Awesome thank you dicks for dragging it out longer!

Well things are going really shitty. I might get furloughed at work, I pissed my girl off by extending my lease for three months, I am still not enrolled in school, bladder infection, and I am super tired. Ugh, I need some shit to go right for a few weeks.

Well it has been a crazy year. I finally got off probation at work, but I am starting to want to leave haha. I am just getting so lazy and unmotivated. I need to step it up.

It has been a long time since I posted but I figured that since no one read it, it didnt really matter on the frequency of the posts. So much has happened lately. I got a new job and I am moving to a new town. It is crazy cool. I just hope shit works out. My last day at my old job is tomorrow...
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I don't know how to let her go. I know it is time but I don't know how.

Geez it has been a crazy couple of weeks. After stressing myself out to near exhaustion about it, I finally bought a camera. It is a pretty bad ass sony something or another. I like it. I started thinking about things this weekend and decided I am not living my life the right way. I have to make some hard changes. I just dont know...
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I had a moment of clarity last night. After a had about a two hour maniac attack thinking I was going to fluke out. I figured that I could still do something about it and if I did fluke out what the fuck?

I tell her that I am following her lead from now on in our relationship. Do what you want to do is the response and I am shocked at how much it hurts and how much it cuts me. I don't know how much longer I can carry the load for both of us. It is hard enough to do what I think I am...
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Damn, I can't seem to do anything right lately. I can't sleep, can't get my homework done, can't leave the booze alone, can't get healthy, can't shake this weight, can't look myself in the face anymore. I really do not know how I got to this point.

I came to a realization today that I have to just do this and get through it. Putting it off only stresses me out more and allows me to hear that ol bottle talking. I made a choice to make something of myself and now it is time to do it. I can't keep half ass doing things and expect them to work, track record...
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Damn it how can I be fucking up this bad? I dont know what to do but I feel so trapped it is crazy. I just want to run away from everything and hide.

Damn I have been putting things off for too long, too many excuses, too many outs. I have to start handling my fucking business.