Why is it always so dangerous, so depressing, to be alone with my thoughts? Do other people have this problem? If Im not communicating with someone else about how great life is, or how much Im looking forward to tomorrow for example Im communicating in my head about everything that is wrong, scary, or potentially upsetting in my life. Its a worse-case-scenario factory in there, designed to turn silence into nightmares; imagined fears into realized disasters.
Im a bottler. I get that from my dad. Probably came from his dad as well. Fucking Adam himself probably cast eyes to the sky and mumbled nothing in response to Eves concerned queries as to what was wrong. Its a poor trait to have, and nothing good comes from it. When something is bothering me I always tell myself itll blow over in the morning or Ill forget all about it by next week. And to a certain degree thats true. Blowing over means subdued. Forgotten for the time being. Bottled.
I am supposed to be working on this problem. I think, to an extent, I have been doing a better job getting things off my chest. With family, with friends, coworkers, and, most importantly, my girlfriend.
Theres that fuzzy, poorly-lit moment in time. After the party, around the corner, under the table. Theres always a second or two that hangs in the air and becomes labeled missed opportunity. Sometimes I snatch it, shake it like a flashlight whose batteries are too new or seldom used to be exhausted, and speak my mind. More often, I let it linger. A loud hush that magnifies the distance between peace and disquiet.
Ill feel better tomorrow. All my irrational fears and foolish problems will vanish in due time.
I know thats not really true. But it helps keep the lid on tight.
Im a bottler. I get that from my dad. Probably came from his dad as well. Fucking Adam himself probably cast eyes to the sky and mumbled nothing in response to Eves concerned queries as to what was wrong. Its a poor trait to have, and nothing good comes from it. When something is bothering me I always tell myself itll blow over in the morning or Ill forget all about it by next week. And to a certain degree thats true. Blowing over means subdued. Forgotten for the time being. Bottled.
I am supposed to be working on this problem. I think, to an extent, I have been doing a better job getting things off my chest. With family, with friends, coworkers, and, most importantly, my girlfriend.
Theres that fuzzy, poorly-lit moment in time. After the party, around the corner, under the table. Theres always a second or two that hangs in the air and becomes labeled missed opportunity. Sometimes I snatch it, shake it like a flashlight whose batteries are too new or seldom used to be exhausted, and speak my mind. More often, I let it linger. A loud hush that magnifies the distance between peace and disquiet.
Ill feel better tomorrow. All my irrational fears and foolish problems will vanish in due time.
I know thats not really true. But it helps keep the lid on tight.
shad:
I have exactly that problem. I've not really found a good way out of it, except writing helps me a lot. In my situation a lot of times, instead of expressing my displeasure with other people or events or problems, I'll just find a way on my own to make things better. It's a very self centered, self determined way of doing things. Probably not the best solution.