batsose

It is strange business I am in. I sit with unimaginable suffering most days of the week. It is both external kind of suffering of those who live on the street and the internal kind of suffering that has no reason, but is constructed originally as a barrier against pain, but then becomes strangely a source of pain. I cannot ethically give concrete examples to what I am talking about other than to relate it to my own experience.

I know for myself growing up and having my experiences I developed coping mechanism or better emotional survival strategies. The ways of being got me through horrific events and helped me come to grips with the paradoxical reality that things can seem both good and bad at the same time. Thus, I created the experience of a ground, but then as a moved through life with these tools the ground revealed itself as not solid, and each time I adapted with what was there and thus built a rickety foundation. Eventually the weight of my own life collapsed and I had to build from the ground up and create a new foundation.

Now, I am witness to others loosing ground and having their foundations ripped away, and either I help them build again or more often watch them adapt and get by with a higher more rickety structure. I know the outcome but most refuse to hear what I have to say, being far to attached the elaborate contraptions that keep them from dealing with the reality of their lives and so it all eventually collapses again.

The trick of my job is to stay present with hope that change may occur not knowing who or what it will take for the realization to hit that a colossal change needs to occur, and being fully aware that change may never happen.

And I still hold to the illusion that my new construction is not faulty itself and remain in my own hope that I will not one day collapse again.

The trick is to have hope without expectation. And to have great field of diversion that is not too destructive.

More will be revealed.