Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
of America will be outsourced to India as of January 1, 2006. The move is
being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record
$521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the
aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American
jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the World stage
with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations
for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus
Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of
January 1, 2006.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.
He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage
or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between
the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of
the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my
day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an
exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I
would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem because Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh
will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can Address common
concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President
Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Mr. Bush has
abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on
top of the Katrina situation.
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible
for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at
Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and
wry smile.
Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard.
His prior records are conspicuously vague but, should he choose this option,
he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month before being sent to
Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq,"
stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit
he once made to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.
of America will be outsourced to India as of January 1, 2006. The move is
being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record
$521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the
aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American
jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the World stage
with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations
for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus
Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of
January 1, 2006.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.
He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage
or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between
the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of
the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my
day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an
exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I
would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem because Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh
will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can Address common
concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President
Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Mr. Bush has
abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on
top of the Katrina situation.
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible
for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at
Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and
wry smile.
Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard.
His prior records are conspicuously vague but, should he choose this option,
he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month before being sent to
Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq,"
stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit
he once made to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.
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