barabus

A poem for Nicolletta Suicide for her Birthday

Nicolletta's Prayer

Father
send knowledge
in hard paper books
in soft spoken words
in live action dramas
throw it all at me
keep it coming
there is nothing too vile
there is nothing too beautiful
i want it all
you cannot shatter this liquid soul
don't hold back on my account
give it up
old man
all of it

send wisdom
tilt the bottle to my lips until i choke
until it runs down my chin
like strong bourbon whiskey
i want to be drunk with wisdom
so i can sort this mess out
sort the truth from the lie
pass the bottle , Yahweh
you dole it out like cherry flavoured
cough syrup
by the teaspoon

send joy
joy like money
so i can give it away
in $50 bills
so i can walk down the street
see the look on their faces
see the joy of a $50 bill in
a beggar's hands
in every beggar's hand

Send love
love like a beautiful young man
who will love me on sight
who will believe he will die without me

if only for a day
i want to feel like i could
die
from
love
just once
send me such a beautiful young man
send him now

i will be old
one day
old man
but not today
or tomorrow
or the next day

you would like to wear me down
slowly
wouldn't you?
like you have done others
but for me
old timer
just for me
because you love me
let it all come at once
let it all come crashing down
give it up, Father
just to see
if
i can take it

Amen